Stories are wonderful things. Whether is stories from classical literature, or children's tales, there is something magic about reading them.
They are fiction, we suspend our disbelief and take a little vacation from reality, relate to some of the characters and situations, forget all about our worries in every day life, and enjoy.
And get changed by it - but that's something most folks never think about, right ?
Stories can be simple or complex, they can be many levels deep, but every single one of them produces a change of some kind... changes ranging from huge and profound to a simple nudge that causes you to turn left instead of right.... perhaps changing the course of your entire life !
Here is a really short and sweet example, it's a children's story - but can change the entire direction of a child's life :
-------]
The Lion and the Mouse
Once when a Lion was asleep a little Mouse began running up
and down upon him; this soon wakened the Lion, who placed his huge
paw upon him, and opened his big jaws to swallow him. "Pardon, O
King," cried the little Mouse: "forgive me this time, I shall
never forget it: who knows but what I may be able to do you a turn
some of these days?" The Lion was so tickled at the idea of the
Mouse being able to help him, that he lifted up his paw and let
him go. Some time after the Lion was caught in a trap, and the
hunters who desired to carry him alive to the King, tied him to a
tree while they went in search of a waggon to carry him on. Just
then the little Mouse happened to pass by, and seeing the sad
plight in which the Lion was, went up to him and soon gnawed away
the ropes that bound the King of the Beasts. "Was I not right?"
said the little Mouse.
-------]
That story was written by a man named "Aesop". If you have children, and wish to teach them some very good life lessons, I'd suggest checking out his other stories here : http://aesopfables.com .
Within that short little story, was lessons about being kind to others, and not judging others. About how a single act of generosity, with no expectation of return, could come back when you least expect it. Reading that to a child (or adult) - there is entertainment, and the teaching of a profound lesson.
I'll be posting more advanced storytelling concepts later on, things like how metaphors can change entire lives, bring failing organizations back to a healthy state, how our lives are stories, and even non-verbal stories.
There is a profound link between Storytelling, and any Change Work - NLP, or Hypnosis. This I will cover in future posts.
For now, I think I'll call this post finished. The story, and what it does, speaks for itself. I'd rather you simply read and enjoy the story one more time, aloud this time, and feel the magic it works on you, and would work on a child.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Hypnosis/NLP - What can it do for you ?
You've probably read or heard about Hypnosis before. Maybe even NLP. If nowhere else, then just from here on my blog.
I'd really like to define it, but that'll definitely have to wait for another day. All I'll say for now is that it is about increasing your choices, your options, and reconnecting you to strengths you've always had. It is not at all like what gets portrayed on TV, and if you've ever been to a stage show - that's a different form of hypnosis completely, nothing like what takes place at a Practitioner's Office.
So what can these two "change tools" do for you ?
Quite a bit, really.
Here's an example....
Consider someone that has the condition known as depression (the lawyers make us say it that way). We can't cure depression, we aren't doctors (lawyers make us say that too). But what we can do is teach someone "Happiness".
Happiness is good, isn't it ? When a person is in the state known as happiness, they can do more, things become easier, the world becomes a nicer place. So, we leave "treating depression" to doctors and talk therapists. If you want to talk about depression, or get medicated, go see them. Instead, a good change agent will simply teach you how to be happy.
Happy and [the state often called] Depressed really don't mix too well. Unless you are happy about being depressed, in which case you aren't really depressed, just a wee bit confused. Confused about a negative state can be a good thing, imagine wanting to be depressed, but not able to quite figure out how to do so, and just settling for happy instead since it's more useful, and easier to get to.
We haven't taken anything from you. Or mind controlled you. All we did was teach you something so you have a new option - you can now choose to be happy, or not.
The mind is a pretty neat thing - it is fundamentally positive. And once you know how to get back to positive states, every time you make the journey there it gets easier.
Negative states tend to be more of a defensive reaction, or a "signalling" from the unconscious mind that simply won't let go until it's properly acknowledged. Sometimes, just acknowledging and questioning the "feelings" that signal the negative state can cause it to go. Or bring into awareness what it is you need to be doing.
The role of the Change Agent (Hypnosis or NLP Practitioner) is to guide you to your resources and strengths. You'll be surprised at how much power the most forgotten resources can give a person. It takes skill, training, experience, but what it all comes down to is we are guides, and we help fuel the change. It is still your choice in the end to accept the changes.
That's one of the many things a Change Agent can do - help you find the resources you need, the states you need, to reach your goals and overcome problems.
Change your mind for the better, and your life will change for the better as well. It all begins with the decision to make the change, and that is a choice you have to make, no one can do it for you or impose anything without your explicit consent.
And that's what "Hypnosis" and "NLP" really is - the tools to make changes. To give you a better life. To give you a path you can walk that will make your dreams reality.
I'd really like to define it, but that'll definitely have to wait for another day. All I'll say for now is that it is about increasing your choices, your options, and reconnecting you to strengths you've always had. It is not at all like what gets portrayed on TV, and if you've ever been to a stage show - that's a different form of hypnosis completely, nothing like what takes place at a Practitioner's Office.
So what can these two "change tools" do for you ?
Quite a bit, really.
Here's an example....
Consider someone that has the condition known as depression (the lawyers make us say it that way). We can't cure depression, we aren't doctors (lawyers make us say that too). But what we can do is teach someone "Happiness".
Happiness is good, isn't it ? When a person is in the state known as happiness, they can do more, things become easier, the world becomes a nicer place. So, we leave "treating depression" to doctors and talk therapists. If you want to talk about depression, or get medicated, go see them. Instead, a good change agent will simply teach you how to be happy.
Happy and [the state often called] Depressed really don't mix too well. Unless you are happy about being depressed, in which case you aren't really depressed, just a wee bit confused. Confused about a negative state can be a good thing, imagine wanting to be depressed, but not able to quite figure out how to do so, and just settling for happy instead since it's more useful, and easier to get to.
We haven't taken anything from you. Or mind controlled you. All we did was teach you something so you have a new option - you can now choose to be happy, or not.
The mind is a pretty neat thing - it is fundamentally positive. And once you know how to get back to positive states, every time you make the journey there it gets easier.
Negative states tend to be more of a defensive reaction, or a "signalling" from the unconscious mind that simply won't let go until it's properly acknowledged. Sometimes, just acknowledging and questioning the "feelings" that signal the negative state can cause it to go. Or bring into awareness what it is you need to be doing.
The role of the Change Agent (Hypnosis or NLP Practitioner) is to guide you to your resources and strengths. You'll be surprised at how much power the most forgotten resources can give a person. It takes skill, training, experience, but what it all comes down to is we are guides, and we help fuel the change. It is still your choice in the end to accept the changes.
That's one of the many things a Change Agent can do - help you find the resources you need, the states you need, to reach your goals and overcome problems.
Change your mind for the better, and your life will change for the better as well. It all begins with the decision to make the change, and that is a choice you have to make, no one can do it for you or impose anything without your explicit consent.
And that's what "Hypnosis" and "NLP" really is - the tools to make changes. To give you a better life. To give you a path you can walk that will make your dreams reality.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Make Haste Slowly, always bet on the Tortoise...
It's very strange, and wonderful, some of the conversations you can have with people just by being positive, friendly, and open to infinite possibilities. Literally anything can happen. Everyone has a story, everyone wants to grow and be more. Sometimes, people get stuck for a bit. Sometimes, they aren't sure where to turn next, or think they know but what they want isn't really what they need.
This is a true story, with some good lessons. Good for metaphor use, if you ever need one.
I'll put the "Lessons" at the end, if you want to get right to that part (search on "Lessons"). But the story itself is well worth reading.
The other night, I was killing a bit of time while waiting for my Salsa class to start. While sitting at one of the restaurants in the area, enjoying a coffee and doing up some notes on my Netbook, I saw someone that I used to run into a lot in that same place, one of the employees there that I used to chit chat with over the course of 2010.
One of the best things I ever learned was "take a genuine interest in people, everyone has a story, and when you're open to it you can experience wonderful things". (Paraphrased; from Mike Mandel's Hypnosis training at NLP Canada Training, April 2010).
So I chatted with this person, curious about how his holidays were, if anything much had gone on in the area in the months I'd been away. Mostly small talk.
Then he mentioned some of his hopes for the future, that he was getting into college for a particular course, and was having problems with the math portion. He asked if I could help out at all. I asked what kind of math he had to know, he went and got the textbook he was studying.
It was a pretty big thing, well worn and heavy, a bit dog eared. He'd been working hard to learn the material himself that he needed to go back to college. I plunked it down on the table with a thud, let it flip open like magic to the math section he was working on, and took a read through while he went back to work. After awhile he came back and we chatted a bit.
I actually felt a bit awkward at first. You see, my impulse was to assume that he was looking for someone to help tutor him in math. But I knew that that was just "my assumption", and I had to see past it. So I asked him a few questions about it. Carefully. What I wanted to ask was "How do you find this hard ?", but whenever you ask someone something like that, they see it as a challenge to their intelligence.
What I really wanted to know what "What's holding you back from learning this material ? Learning it to the point where it's easy ?". It sounds easy to say, but put yourself into the other person's shoes, and how does it feel if someone throws that question at you ? It doesn't feel nice, even with the best tonality it comes across as arrogant or superior.
I did say "I've got some questions to ask you about this, but I'm not sure how to phrase them, so please bear with me.". I paused for a moment, collected my thoughts, and went on to ask a few questions. Sort of like "When you're doing this for a test, how do you feel ? What do you feel holds you back from doing better at it ?". Perhaps a few other questions as well.
The answers I got gave me really good insights to what was going on. Apparently, his earlier studies of math involved using a calculator... . But on these tests, no calculators. He wasn't used to doing the questions without a calculator. The other thing was the pressure of having a time limit on the tests keep interrupting his concentration. Instead of focusing on solving the question, he'd focus on how much time he had left.... .
In the end, "There's no way out of it, you're going to have to practice this stuff. You're going to have to put effort into it, and committment, that's the bad news. the good news, it's going to be easy for you, and here's why...".
So I told him a little story.
Back in the 90's , I used to do some serious bodybuilding, just as a hobby. At the time I stopped, I was doing well over 300 pounds for presses, squats, and deadlifts. And that was just part of the workout.
[he looked shocked]
But when I first started - I was only doing 50 pounds at the beginning. That's right, just the bar with no weight. I kept at it, and eventually got to the heavy weights. And you know, it was really easy.
Because I'd only add one pound each day to the weights. I mean, if you can do 50 pounds, what's 51 ? Just a tiny bit more. And if you can do 51, what's 52 ? That's an even smaller increase this time, compared to the day before. It's only one pound, well, more like two pounds every second day... but not much.
And after a year of keeping at it, I got up to 315 pound lifts. Didn't really seem hard at that point, it was just a pound or two more from the workout before that. I stopped there since I had passed my goals anyway, and was happy.
So here's what I want you to do....
Put aside a couple hours every night. But only five days a week. The first night - you can do ten questions in two hours, right ? Probably even have time left over. And if you can do ten, then the next night, you can do eleven. It's just one extra question, right ? And since the more you do, the easier it gets, maybe you'll get an extra question in, and have even more leftover time.
And the night after that, add another question. That's not so bad, is it ? Only one little extra question, just a tiny bit more, yes ?
(feedback checks going on all the time- making sure I got agreement on all of that)
Just keep at it that way. Add a little more each time, never overload yourself. It'll get easier and easier as time goes on.
And if you can find a way to make it fun somehow, maybe give meaning to the numbers and patterns you see while you're working on the questions, it'll be even easier. Maybe they are birthdays of people you know in there, or dates something happened. Be playful, maybe you'll remember something nice as well.
The change in his expression and physiology was surprising... there was a realization there, and a sense that something got released (perhaps fear being replaced with hope ? or anxiety with calmness ? Doesn't matter - something good happened).
Now, the rest of the story is up to him. His committment to making it happen.
Lessons Learned from that random encounter, from just 15 minutes of two lives....
1. Be respectful when dealing with people. Sometimes, questions that seem innocent or harmless to you may be interpreted by them as negative. As a challenge perhaps, or maybe the question will actually give credibility to an unhealthy belief that they have. Ie, some questions may actually make the problem worse.
2. Questions should be kept framed in a way that allows the person to do better. Question the behaviour, not the person, and presuppose better behaviours or states are available.
3. "Better to teach a man to fish than to give him a fish.". Giving a stragety to get through a problem or reach a goal is golden. What really shines is if it's done in such a way that it is easy for them to run with it. Especially if it gives them a new road to walk that leads to "hope", and they know they can walk it.
4. Keep the whole thing positive. Playful if you can. Fun. For you, and for them.
5. Learn what you can from them as well, positive change can work both ways.
All I did was give him a new strategy to play with, a useful one. The only thing I can think of for where the strategy came from is the story of "The Tortise and the Hare" - the idea of "Make Haste Slowly". Slow, certain, determined progression will win out over a lot of random unfocused energy. Guess the unconscious mind really has amazing resources to it, right ?
You can move a lot of weight, easily, if you work up to it one pound at a time, slowly.
The more you practice, the easier things become, which lets you add a little more each time.
Goals are met one step at a time. Some people call the steps that get you closer "failure", but really they are just "a step closer to your goal, and a success in that you learned something from it".
You never know what stories people have unless you take the time to get to know them, and let them share whatever stories they choose to share. Be positive and cheerful, you'll get stories that are there or are on the way there !
This is a true story, with some good lessons. Good for metaphor use, if you ever need one.
I'll put the "Lessons" at the end, if you want to get right to that part (search on "Lessons"). But the story itself is well worth reading.
The other night, I was killing a bit of time while waiting for my Salsa class to start. While sitting at one of the restaurants in the area, enjoying a coffee and doing up some notes on my Netbook, I saw someone that I used to run into a lot in that same place, one of the employees there that I used to chit chat with over the course of 2010.
One of the best things I ever learned was "take a genuine interest in people, everyone has a story, and when you're open to it you can experience wonderful things". (Paraphrased; from Mike Mandel's Hypnosis training at NLP Canada Training, April 2010).
So I chatted with this person, curious about how his holidays were, if anything much had gone on in the area in the months I'd been away. Mostly small talk.
Then he mentioned some of his hopes for the future, that he was getting into college for a particular course, and was having problems with the math portion. He asked if I could help out at all. I asked what kind of math he had to know, he went and got the textbook he was studying.
It was a pretty big thing, well worn and heavy, a bit dog eared. He'd been working hard to learn the material himself that he needed to go back to college. I plunked it down on the table with a thud, let it flip open like magic to the math section he was working on, and took a read through while he went back to work. After awhile he came back and we chatted a bit.
I actually felt a bit awkward at first. You see, my impulse was to assume that he was looking for someone to help tutor him in math. But I knew that that was just "my assumption", and I had to see past it. So I asked him a few questions about it. Carefully. What I wanted to ask was "How do you find this hard ?", but whenever you ask someone something like that, they see it as a challenge to their intelligence.
What I really wanted to know what "What's holding you back from learning this material ? Learning it to the point where it's easy ?". It sounds easy to say, but put yourself into the other person's shoes, and how does it feel if someone throws that question at you ? It doesn't feel nice, even with the best tonality it comes across as arrogant or superior.
I did say "I've got some questions to ask you about this, but I'm not sure how to phrase them, so please bear with me.". I paused for a moment, collected my thoughts, and went on to ask a few questions. Sort of like "When you're doing this for a test, how do you feel ? What do you feel holds you back from doing better at it ?". Perhaps a few other questions as well.
The answers I got gave me really good insights to what was going on. Apparently, his earlier studies of math involved using a calculator... . But on these tests, no calculators. He wasn't used to doing the questions without a calculator. The other thing was the pressure of having a time limit on the tests keep interrupting his concentration. Instead of focusing on solving the question, he'd focus on how much time he had left.... .
In the end, "There's no way out of it, you're going to have to practice this stuff. You're going to have to put effort into it, and committment, that's the bad news. the good news, it's going to be easy for you, and here's why...".
So I told him a little story.
Back in the 90's , I used to do some serious bodybuilding, just as a hobby. At the time I stopped, I was doing well over 300 pounds for presses, squats, and deadlifts. And that was just part of the workout.
[he looked shocked]
But when I first started - I was only doing 50 pounds at the beginning. That's right, just the bar with no weight. I kept at it, and eventually got to the heavy weights. And you know, it was really easy.
Because I'd only add one pound each day to the weights. I mean, if you can do 50 pounds, what's 51 ? Just a tiny bit more. And if you can do 51, what's 52 ? That's an even smaller increase this time, compared to the day before. It's only one pound, well, more like two pounds every second day... but not much.
And after a year of keeping at it, I got up to 315 pound lifts. Didn't really seem hard at that point, it was just a pound or two more from the workout before that. I stopped there since I had passed my goals anyway, and was happy.
So here's what I want you to do....
Put aside a couple hours every night. But only five days a week. The first night - you can do ten questions in two hours, right ? Probably even have time left over. And if you can do ten, then the next night, you can do eleven. It's just one extra question, right ? And since the more you do, the easier it gets, maybe you'll get an extra question in, and have even more leftover time.
And the night after that, add another question. That's not so bad, is it ? Only one little extra question, just a tiny bit more, yes ?
(feedback checks going on all the time- making sure I got agreement on all of that)
Just keep at it that way. Add a little more each time, never overload yourself. It'll get easier and easier as time goes on.
And if you can find a way to make it fun somehow, maybe give meaning to the numbers and patterns you see while you're working on the questions, it'll be even easier. Maybe they are birthdays of people you know in there, or dates something happened. Be playful, maybe you'll remember something nice as well.
The change in his expression and physiology was surprising... there was a realization there, and a sense that something got released (perhaps fear being replaced with hope ? or anxiety with calmness ? Doesn't matter - something good happened).
Now, the rest of the story is up to him. His committment to making it happen.
Lessons Learned from that random encounter, from just 15 minutes of two lives....
1. Be respectful when dealing with people. Sometimes, questions that seem innocent or harmless to you may be interpreted by them as negative. As a challenge perhaps, or maybe the question will actually give credibility to an unhealthy belief that they have. Ie, some questions may actually make the problem worse.
2. Questions should be kept framed in a way that allows the person to do better. Question the behaviour, not the person, and presuppose better behaviours or states are available.
3. "Better to teach a man to fish than to give him a fish.". Giving a stragety to get through a problem or reach a goal is golden. What really shines is if it's done in such a way that it is easy for them to run with it. Especially if it gives them a new road to walk that leads to "hope", and they know they can walk it.
4. Keep the whole thing positive. Playful if you can. Fun. For you, and for them.
5. Learn what you can from them as well, positive change can work both ways.
All I did was give him a new strategy to play with, a useful one. The only thing I can think of for where the strategy came from is the story of "The Tortise and the Hare" - the idea of "Make Haste Slowly". Slow, certain, determined progression will win out over a lot of random unfocused energy. Guess the unconscious mind really has amazing resources to it, right ?
You can move a lot of weight, easily, if you work up to it one pound at a time, slowly.
The more you practice, the easier things become, which lets you add a little more each time.
Goals are met one step at a time. Some people call the steps that get you closer "failure", but really they are just "a step closer to your goal, and a success in that you learned something from it".
You never know what stories people have unless you take the time to get to know them, and let them share whatever stories they choose to share. Be positive and cheerful, you'll get stories that are there or are on the way there !
Monday, January 10, 2011
Models (Part 1) : A Useful Untruth
Welcome back, younglings and wizened gurus alike, to the exploration of NLP, Hypnosis, and self-improvement in general !
Today's post is about models. Just a general overview. Eventually, I'll be posting more about specific models of the mind, in contexts of NLP, Hypnosis, and other behavioural or state change tools, but for now I need to lay some groundwork about models.
So- What is a model ? And what can it do for me ?
Well, a model is a tool, a representation of something that you cannot touch or see or experience with your senses, yet can be used to answer questions about "things". Think of a square drawn on a whiteboard - the lines that make up the square are not the square, but they define it. Likewise, a model is defined by certain pre-supposed beliefs and assumptions, they give the edges of the model, but are not the model.
With a "Model", you can represent something, use it to ask better questions, and find answers - for anything that falls within that particular model ! That's the important part that we'll get back to in a bit... "that particular model".
So using the model for Newtonian physics, we can create all sorts of wonderful mechanical devices, like cars for instance. The model for quantum physics wouldn't help terribly much for that - way too complex, but can answer questions that fall outside the Newtonian physics model.
Models are a very good way to teach material as well - they define the limits of the material, and contain it to a comprehensible amount till the student is ready to move beyond the model, into a new one.
NLP is a model. Hypnosis has several models. Holistic medicine is a model. Scientific medicine is also a model. Some of these models contradict each other- but all of them are valid. Confused ? Good - confusion is good, it means you are open to learning (that's a different model, that little quote).
So now that we've got a few basics on "models in general" down, let's move onto some more specific examples.... well, just one this time. And really just a surface view of it.
I'm going to focus on the NLP model for a bit. Then I'm going into the limits of models, and why it's important to realize that models are a useful untruth.
Here are some of the presuppositions, of the NLP model:
1. People respond to their experience, not to reality itself.
(in my early days, the phrase "The map is not the territory." was used).
2. People make the best choice they can at the time.
This is based on their "map of reality". What we see as "bad, bizzare, or evil" choices is simply from them not having a rich enough map of reality to make better choices.
3. People work perfectly.
The behaviour may not be the best - but it works. A phobia works just fine. It may not be desired, but it does work.
4. Every behaviour has a positive intention.
This relates to point #3 above.
This is a partial list. There will be future articles on the NLP model that will be more complete, as well as hypnosis, transactional analysis ("Scripts we live"), and a few others that are very useful for any sort of change or self-improvement work, but this is good enough for today's session.
It's very reassuring to know, though, that "you work perfectly". And that somewhere deep inside of you, the habits you may have and find annoying or counterproductive actually have a positive intention. Wouldn't it be nice to simply change them into good habits instead ? And that's one of the beauties of the NLP model. It works. It can do that. That makes it very useful, and if someone is operating congruently within the model, there is a LOT than can be done.
The NLP is a great model, one everyone can benifit from having, but it is not the only model. Never limit yourself to a single model, get out there and explore.
Because models are simply "not real". They are extremely useful untruths, or incomplete truth. A given model may, if it`s an excellent one like the NLP model, give access to a great many truths - but there are others that are simply beyond it`s framework, that to reach you need to use a different model, one that may miss some of the truths the NLP model contains.
There are questions that it can't answer, problems that it can't solve. For example, the NLP model does not answer questions such as "how does free will work". That's automatically assumed by the model - so both the question and answer lie outside the model. All models have their "holes" in them.
Think of a model as an Act within a Play. It contains part of the story, but the rest of the Acts are needed to see the whole Play unfold.
Does that mean that models are useless, or that the NLP model is fundamentally flawed ? Not at all ! Models are great for teaching, and having a model for any sort of change work is necessary.
The point I'm making is that you need more than one model. It's ok to be an expert in one and just ok in the others - but never limit yourself to just one set of tools, or rules to work with. Have several.
Over the course of the next year, I'll get back to the subject of models, and give some models that will be particular use for anyone that works with NLP, Hypnosis, or any sort of self-improvement or change tools.
Meanwhile, consider what models you work with now.... and give some thought to finding other models you can use to enrich your life, and lead to greater personal growth for yourself or those around you in the future !
Today's post is about models. Just a general overview. Eventually, I'll be posting more about specific models of the mind, in contexts of NLP, Hypnosis, and other behavioural or state change tools, but for now I need to lay some groundwork about models.
So- What is a model ? And what can it do for me ?
Well, a model is a tool, a representation of something that you cannot touch or see or experience with your senses, yet can be used to answer questions about "things". Think of a square drawn on a whiteboard - the lines that make up the square are not the square, but they define it. Likewise, a model is defined by certain pre-supposed beliefs and assumptions, they give the edges of the model, but are not the model.
With a "Model", you can represent something, use it to ask better questions, and find answers - for anything that falls within that particular model ! That's the important part that we'll get back to in a bit... "that particular model".
So using the model for Newtonian physics, we can create all sorts of wonderful mechanical devices, like cars for instance. The model for quantum physics wouldn't help terribly much for that - way too complex, but can answer questions that fall outside the Newtonian physics model.
Models are a very good way to teach material as well - they define the limits of the material, and contain it to a comprehensible amount till the student is ready to move beyond the model, into a new one.
NLP is a model. Hypnosis has several models. Holistic medicine is a model. Scientific medicine is also a model. Some of these models contradict each other- but all of them are valid. Confused ? Good - confusion is good, it means you are open to learning (that's a different model, that little quote).
So now that we've got a few basics on "models in general" down, let's move onto some more specific examples.... well, just one this time. And really just a surface view of it.
I'm going to focus on the NLP model for a bit. Then I'm going into the limits of models, and why it's important to realize that models are a useful untruth.
Here are some of the presuppositions, of the NLP model:
1. People respond to their experience, not to reality itself.
(in my early days, the phrase "The map is not the territory." was used).
2. People make the best choice they can at the time.
This is based on their "map of reality". What we see as "bad, bizzare, or evil" choices is simply from them not having a rich enough map of reality to make better choices.
3. People work perfectly.
The behaviour may not be the best - but it works. A phobia works just fine. It may not be desired, but it does work.
4. Every behaviour has a positive intention.
This relates to point #3 above.
This is a partial list. There will be future articles on the NLP model that will be more complete, as well as hypnosis, transactional analysis ("Scripts we live"), and a few others that are very useful for any sort of change or self-improvement work, but this is good enough for today's session.
It's very reassuring to know, though, that "you work perfectly". And that somewhere deep inside of you, the habits you may have and find annoying or counterproductive actually have a positive intention. Wouldn't it be nice to simply change them into good habits instead ? And that's one of the beauties of the NLP model. It works. It can do that. That makes it very useful, and if someone is operating congruently within the model, there is a LOT than can be done.
The NLP is a great model, one everyone can benifit from having, but it is not the only model. Never limit yourself to a single model, get out there and explore.
Because models are simply "not real". They are extremely useful untruths, or incomplete truth. A given model may, if it`s an excellent one like the NLP model, give access to a great many truths - but there are others that are simply beyond it`s framework, that to reach you need to use a different model, one that may miss some of the truths the NLP model contains.
There are questions that it can't answer, problems that it can't solve. For example, the NLP model does not answer questions such as "how does free will work". That's automatically assumed by the model - so both the question and answer lie outside the model. All models have their "holes" in them.
Think of a model as an Act within a Play. It contains part of the story, but the rest of the Acts are needed to see the whole Play unfold.
Does that mean that models are useless, or that the NLP model is fundamentally flawed ? Not at all ! Models are great for teaching, and having a model for any sort of change work is necessary.
The point I'm making is that you need more than one model. It's ok to be an expert in one and just ok in the others - but never limit yourself to just one set of tools, or rules to work with. Have several.
Over the course of the next year, I'll get back to the subject of models, and give some models that will be particular use for anyone that works with NLP, Hypnosis, or any sort of self-improvement or change tools.
Meanwhile, consider what models you work with now.... and give some thought to finding other models you can use to enrich your life, and lead to greater personal growth for yourself or those around you in the future !
Sunday, January 9, 2011
The Best Teachers (and Experts) are always learning....
Have you ever noticed that, when taking training or classes, some teachers seem to be magic ? That when they teach, even the most boring material suddenly becomes fun, dynamic, alive ? And that by the end of class - you know all the material that was taught, effortlessly, and have a lot of great memories as well ?
This can apply to working with certain "subject matter experts" as well.
And then there's others where you just want to tune out and fall asleep. The material takes effort to learn, slips by, and you are forced to read up on the topic yourself afterwards because you just didn't get it.
Let's go back to the teachers that make the magic happen, that's so much more fun to experience, isn't it ?
The difference is very simple. Rapport is the key. Oh, there's some other subtle things going on, but the secret is that those teachers are learning from you just as you are learning from them.
The best teachers are those that are also learning the good things from their students that the students offer. Because everyone has something to offer someone else, even if it's so subtle they may not realize it.
Many years ago, I knew a very young instuctor that taught night school for several months. I found out later that he was actually the youngest one in the class - very early 20's, the youngest student was in his 30's. He actually dyed a few bits of hair grey so the class would assume he was older than he was, and make a better first impression.
He knew the material inside and out, but that's not where the magic was. He had prepared notes for all of us so we could focus on his class instead of writing out the notes.
But here's where the magic happened....
The teacher was unusually "alive" while teaching. You could feel that he was giving his attention to the students, engaging them, involving them. It was an active experience. The learning became fun, and effortless, I looked forward to his classes, and benifited from the material immediately.
Later I learned what made the magic happen, and this is something any teacher can benifit from.
He had seen the class of students as an "alive and dynamic whole" that he wanted to be a part of and learn from. Even the disruptive students had something to offer. He wouldn't take any heckling seriously, he'd turn it around into humour... but humour that could be shared by all, including the heckler - no attacks on the person, not even the behaviour.
He went in with an open mindset. "I will learn something every class. Either about the material I'm teaching, or about the art of teaching, or about life and being alive and having fun.". Some students offered questions on the material that would cause him to think, and learn more. Some would challenge what he was teaching, and he'd learn to either negotiate the student so they would at least try the material, or he'd make a note and come back with an answer. And if he had no answer, he would freely admit it - not apologetically, but simply with a "That one I haven't run into yet, but the learning never stops. If you find the answer to that, please share it with me someday.". Very down to earth and sincere.
And from other students he'd re-discover the love for learning the material in the first place, the fresh curiosity and enthusiasm that is such a motivator for learning. Or even just the determination they had to show up.
It's that simple - put attention on the students, as much or more than the attention on the material. Keep in tune with their responses, react to it in a positive way, and remember they react to you. It's like a dance, the teacher is the leader, but sometimes the follower will try to backlead the dance... keep the frame, and gently maneuver them back into being a follower, or learner.... but recognize there is always something you can learn from them too.
For those readers that are familiar with hypnosis and/or NLP - it's about rapport with students, giving them attention, and calibrating to them. Also maintaining a state of "high desire to learn, enthusiasm about learning", this state gets passed to the student via rapport. And by having a strong desire to learn from them, the rapport and connection become automatic. "We are going to have fun together, learn from each other, and both have a positive experience".
This can apply to working with certain "subject matter experts" as well.
And then there's others where you just want to tune out and fall asleep. The material takes effort to learn, slips by, and you are forced to read up on the topic yourself afterwards because you just didn't get it.
Let's go back to the teachers that make the magic happen, that's so much more fun to experience, isn't it ?
The difference is very simple. Rapport is the key. Oh, there's some other subtle things going on, but the secret is that those teachers are learning from you just as you are learning from them.
The best teachers are those that are also learning the good things from their students that the students offer. Because everyone has something to offer someone else, even if it's so subtle they may not realize it.
Many years ago, I knew a very young instuctor that taught night school for several months. I found out later that he was actually the youngest one in the class - very early 20's, the youngest student was in his 30's. He actually dyed a few bits of hair grey so the class would assume he was older than he was, and make a better first impression.
He knew the material inside and out, but that's not where the magic was. He had prepared notes for all of us so we could focus on his class instead of writing out the notes.
But here's where the magic happened....
The teacher was unusually "alive" while teaching. You could feel that he was giving his attention to the students, engaging them, involving them. It was an active experience. The learning became fun, and effortless, I looked forward to his classes, and benifited from the material immediately.
Later I learned what made the magic happen, and this is something any teacher can benifit from.
He had seen the class of students as an "alive and dynamic whole" that he wanted to be a part of and learn from. Even the disruptive students had something to offer. He wouldn't take any heckling seriously, he'd turn it around into humour... but humour that could be shared by all, including the heckler - no attacks on the person, not even the behaviour.
He went in with an open mindset. "I will learn something every class. Either about the material I'm teaching, or about the art of teaching, or about life and being alive and having fun.". Some students offered questions on the material that would cause him to think, and learn more. Some would challenge what he was teaching, and he'd learn to either negotiate the student so they would at least try the material, or he'd make a note and come back with an answer. And if he had no answer, he would freely admit it - not apologetically, but simply with a "That one I haven't run into yet, but the learning never stops. If you find the answer to that, please share it with me someday.". Very down to earth and sincere.
And from other students he'd re-discover the love for learning the material in the first place, the fresh curiosity and enthusiasm that is such a motivator for learning. Or even just the determination they had to show up.
It's that simple - put attention on the students, as much or more than the attention on the material. Keep in tune with their responses, react to it in a positive way, and remember they react to you. It's like a dance, the teacher is the leader, but sometimes the follower will try to backlead the dance... keep the frame, and gently maneuver them back into being a follower, or learner.... but recognize there is always something you can learn from them too.
For those readers that are familiar with hypnosis and/or NLP - it's about rapport with students, giving them attention, and calibrating to them. Also maintaining a state of "high desire to learn, enthusiasm about learning", this state gets passed to the student via rapport. And by having a strong desire to learn from them, the rapport and connection become automatic. "We are going to have fun together, learn from each other, and both have a positive experience".
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Your Successes Truely Worth Remembering....
I originally wrote this out for a person I was working with. It was very similar to a case I dealt with in the late 90's.... . Too many times, a person will go through life thinking that they are a failure, or that they weren't successful. The real problem is how they measure success.
So, if you want to measure success by job, or social status, or fame... keep in mind those are just "ego values", they are nice to work for - but they do not define you as a person, and there are a lot of people that have achieved those that are fundamentally unhappy inside. "Feels like something is missing." is the common complaint.
This little exercise is one for the heart, to show you your true worth. As a friend of mine likes to say -
So, if you want to measure success by job, or social status, or fame... keep in mind those are just "ego values", they are nice to work for - but they do not define you as a person, and there are a lot of people that have achieved those that are fundamentally unhappy inside. "Feels like something is missing." is the common complaint.
This little exercise is one for the heart, to show you your true worth. As a friend of mine likes to say -
Not everything that can be counted counts, Not everything that counts can be counted!
Every passing moment is another chance to turn it all around !
(Thank you, Georgia Whalen, for that little gem)
So enjoy the exercise !
---------------------
This little exercise is to give you something you may need someday in the future. You could do it then - or you could do it now, and just have it ready. I'll explain it's uses at the end.
It's very important, because when you are done, you'll see how you make a differences in this world, how you helped contribute to making life here better, and worth living.
Think of it as your "success list". But it's not about material successes, or anything that can ever be taken from you. Material successes - well, they can come and go, or be taken from you.... and regardless, life is short and you aren't allowed baggage at the check-out counter, you take with you what you arrived with... except for the differences you made.
We all make differences, all the time, without even realizing it. Positive and negative ones.
Many times we forget the positive ones. Then later, perhaps late in life or during a time of crisis, we may look for strengths... or feelings of self worth... and just find an emptiness.
So- start a journal.
Every day, for the next three weeks, add to it (I'll explain what to add in a bit....). The first three weeks - past history, things in your past. After that - put aside some time every week and update it with anything recent that you can think of. For the first part, doing the past history, make a 15 minutes time slot every day. 30 minutes would be better, but 15 should work (might take more than 3 weeks that way). If you can't come up with anything, just think of what you wrote already, and daydream a bit... but stay there the full 15 minutes. Trust me, eventually things will come up.
Here's the sort of entries you want to be putting in....
1. The times you gave up something for family or relatives. There's people that I know of that made huge sacrifices for family (parents, but a few here that did sacrifices for children, siblings, in-laws....)... and then later forgot about it, that they made a difference. Get all of the times you did it written down... and if your mind draws a blank, don't worry - maybe next time you're in front of the journal you'll remember those times. Because these times do exist.
a. Some people gave up goals, careers, a lot of tangibles or intangibles, for family.
b. Even if the sacrifice was in vain - write it down. The point is - you made a choice. You gave up something for someone.
c. Some people gave up time. With some it was money they couldn't really afford and had to do with much less.
2. The times you gave up something for a stranger.
a. Same as point #1, but you can include things like "letting someone have right of way in traffic for no apparent reason". It sounds silly - but it's a case where you recognized them as a person with thoughts and feelings like yours, and did a random act of kindness.
3. Times you helped out because you wanted to.
a. Maybe you helped out a teacher clean up after class. Perhaps it was so you could spend time with them, but it counts - the thoughts was appreciated and helped them.
4. Times you helped out because someone needed help, and you were in a position to do so.
a. Times you went out of your way to help someone just because they needed it.
b. Especially the times when it was because you knew no one else could or would.
5. Anything like volunteer work.
6. The times you gave someone a kind word, true one (false flattery doesn't count - but reminded them of their self worth).
7. Anytime you managed a "win win" situation with a co-worker or associate (or friend or family), instead of a "I win you lose" situation. Especially if you could have "won more at their expense" - and choose not to.
8. The times you made people laugh (unless it was at someone else's expense, or your expense).
9. The times when you gave someone attention because it was needed - perhaps spend time to go that extra distance to help them out, or returning a call when you'd rather have been sleeping, or time spent finding out something that would help someone.
10. Family time - very important. The sacrifices you made for spending time with your children when they were sick. Or watching kid's shows with them. Helping with homework. These sort of deeds - some say it's "part of the package". The times you did it and were just glad you could help... they count.
Things you did with ulterior motives don't count (ie, "I'll do this so <that> happens").
Things that you did because you felt obliged to do it... if you gave it freely and wanted to do it, they count. If you did it grudgingly and resented it, they don't count (unless shortly after you looked back and were glad you did it).
Things that you did without thinking twice - you knew you should do it, and wanted to do it.... they count even more.
A little one-line reminder of the good deeds is all that's needed, but if you want to, feel free to write down anything else around those events as well (it's your journal, after all).
Do not be discouraged if it takes awhile to find these memories.
If you run out of things to write down (highly unlikely), scribble down something nice you will do for someone at random tomorrow - perhaps simple like giving a heartfelt smile to someone, or if you notice someone at the store with a name tag, address them by their name, and wish them a great day when you're done ! But stick to it.
Now....
These are the differences you made that added to the world.They are often overlooked and forgotten - but without these actions and events, the world would be a darker place. These actions and events add up over time, both in the world itself, making it a better place to be in, and in yourself.
We usually forget how it adds up in ourselves... which is why you are writing them down, either now or after you finish reading.
Because someday, it happens sooner or later, comes a day when we feel we haven't accomplished anything. For the terribly rich - probably much later, but then it's way too late. It may be subtle - a feeling we didn't make enough difference, or the wrong kind of difference. It may be huge - a time when our self-worth is being challenged, and we look for something inside us to justify ourselves... and find very little. There's probably quite a bit there.
Someday, you may need that little extra strength to keep going. Or to stand strong. Perhaps a reminder of self-worth, that you made a positive difference in lives - for no reason other than it was positive, and you could.
This list will be your reminded in dark times that you can keep going, that you're still needed. You made a difference, and can still make a difference. You can only keep going, because you're still needed.
The result - It's giving you the credit you deserve for being you. It's between you and yourself only - it's not for bragging about. It's about accepting yourself and the good things, and giving them value. But these are the true things of value in this world, what makes the world a place worth living in, and what makes us greater than the animals or the material items in this world.
Too often we overlook these things. This list will help keep you whole- a reminder of who you are, and the differences you make.
[One of the benefits of this exercise - besides having something to help you through dark times - is that you're actually training your mind to recognize your own self-worth. That you can and have made positive differences. That your life has value, as do the lives of those around you. You may even find afterwards that you notice these things more and more, and feel better about life, and people.]
Doing this will gradually build up a new talent - one where you can find the good in yourself. Spread it out, and realize that others have worth as well, because like you - they probably made sacrifices as well (even the most grumpy person has good in them, with practice you can learn to see through the masks....).
Enjoy !
It's very important, because when you are done, you'll see how you make a differences in this world, how you helped contribute to making life here better, and worth living.
Think of it as your "success list". But it's not about material successes, or anything that can ever be taken from you. Material successes - well, they can come and go, or be taken from you.... and regardless, life is short and you aren't allowed baggage at the check-out counter, you take with you what you arrived with... except for the differences you made.
We all make differences, all the time, without even realizing it. Positive and negative ones.
Many times we forget the positive ones. Then later, perhaps late in life or during a time of crisis, we may look for strengths... or feelings of self worth... and just find an emptiness.
So- start a journal.
Every day, for the next three weeks, add to it (I'll explain what to add in a bit....). The first three weeks - past history, things in your past. After that - put aside some time every week and update it with anything recent that you can think of. For the first part, doing the past history, make a 15 minutes time slot every day. 30 minutes would be better, but 15 should work (might take more than 3 weeks that way). If you can't come up with anything, just think of what you wrote already, and daydream a bit... but stay there the full 15 minutes. Trust me, eventually things will come up.
Here's the sort of entries you want to be putting in....
1. The times you gave up something for family or relatives. There's people that I know of that made huge sacrifices for family (parents, but a few here that did sacrifices for children, siblings, in-laws....)... and then later forgot about it, that they made a difference. Get all of the times you did it written down... and if your mind draws a blank, don't worry - maybe next time you're in front of the journal you'll remember those times. Because these times do exist.
a. Some people gave up goals, careers, a lot of tangibles or intangibles, for family.
b. Even if the sacrifice was in vain - write it down. The point is - you made a choice. You gave up something for someone.
c. Some people gave up time. With some it was money they couldn't really afford and had to do with much less.
2. The times you gave up something for a stranger.
a. Same as point #1, but you can include things like "letting someone have right of way in traffic for no apparent reason". It sounds silly - but it's a case where you recognized them as a person with thoughts and feelings like yours, and did a random act of kindness.
3. Times you helped out because you wanted to.
a. Maybe you helped out a teacher clean up after class. Perhaps it was so you could spend time with them, but it counts - the thoughts was appreciated and helped them.
4. Times you helped out because someone needed help, and you were in a position to do so.
a. Times you went out of your way to help someone just because they needed it.
b. Especially the times when it was because you knew no one else could or would.
5. Anything like volunteer work.
6. The times you gave someone a kind word, true one (false flattery doesn't count - but reminded them of their self worth).
7. Anytime you managed a "win win" situation with a co-worker or associate (or friend or family), instead of a "I win you lose" situation. Especially if you could have "won more at their expense" - and choose not to.
8. The times you made people laugh (unless it was at someone else's expense, or your expense).
9. The times when you gave someone attention because it was needed - perhaps spend time to go that extra distance to help them out, or returning a call when you'd rather have been sleeping, or time spent finding out something that would help someone.
10. Family time - very important. The sacrifices you made for spending time with your children when they were sick. Or watching kid's shows with them. Helping with homework. These sort of deeds - some say it's "part of the package". The times you did it and were just glad you could help... they count.
Things you did with ulterior motives don't count (ie, "I'll do this so <that> happens").
Things that you did because you felt obliged to do it... if you gave it freely and wanted to do it, they count. If you did it grudgingly and resented it, they don't count (unless shortly after you looked back and were glad you did it).
Things that you did without thinking twice - you knew you should do it, and wanted to do it.... they count even more.
A little one-line reminder of the good deeds is all that's needed, but if you want to, feel free to write down anything else around those events as well (it's your journal, after all).
Do not be discouraged if it takes awhile to find these memories.
If you run out of things to write down (highly unlikely), scribble down something nice you will do for someone at random tomorrow - perhaps simple like giving a heartfelt smile to someone, or if you notice someone at the store with a name tag, address them by their name, and wish them a great day when you're done ! But stick to it.
Now....
These are the differences you made that added to the world.They are often overlooked and forgotten - but without these actions and events, the world would be a darker place. These actions and events add up over time, both in the world itself, making it a better place to be in, and in yourself.
We usually forget how it adds up in ourselves... which is why you are writing them down, either now or after you finish reading.
Because someday, it happens sooner or later, comes a day when we feel we haven't accomplished anything. For the terribly rich - probably much later, but then it's way too late. It may be subtle - a feeling we didn't make enough difference, or the wrong kind of difference. It may be huge - a time when our self-worth is being challenged, and we look for something inside us to justify ourselves... and find very little. There's probably quite a bit there.
Someday, you may need that little extra strength to keep going. Or to stand strong. Perhaps a reminder of self-worth, that you made a positive difference in lives - for no reason other than it was positive, and you could.
This list will be your reminded in dark times that you can keep going, that you're still needed. You made a difference, and can still make a difference. You can only keep going, because you're still needed.
The result - It's giving you the credit you deserve for being you. It's between you and yourself only - it's not for bragging about. It's about accepting yourself and the good things, and giving them value. But these are the true things of value in this world, what makes the world a place worth living in, and what makes us greater than the animals or the material items in this world.
Too often we overlook these things. This list will help keep you whole- a reminder of who you are, and the differences you make.
[One of the benefits of this exercise - besides having something to help you through dark times - is that you're actually training your mind to recognize your own self-worth. That you can and have made positive differences. That your life has value, as do the lives of those around you. You may even find afterwards that you notice these things more and more, and feel better about life, and people.]
Doing this will gradually build up a new talent - one where you can find the good in yourself. Spread it out, and realize that others have worth as well, because like you - they probably made sacrifices as well (even the most grumpy person has good in them, with practice you can learn to see through the masks....).
Enjoy !
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Dreams, Wishes, Goals, and Resolutions
Well, we are on Jan. 2nd, 2011.
So for the New Year - did you make "Wishes" , "Goals", or "Resolutions" ? Or just Dream? There is a difference. And it's possible to make Dreams really happen !
It all starts with a dream, a desire.
A Wish is more powerful than a dream.
A Goal is more powerful than a Wish.
A Resolution is more Powerful than a Goal !
A lot of time, people will think they are making a "New Year's Resolution", and really they are just making a wish. You've probably heard that "a goal without a plan is really just a dream waiting for the dreamer to move beyond the dream and make it real." ? If you haven't, remember you heard it here first.
So this post is about how to transform a dream into reality. Or how to make a wish come true by changing it to a resolution, in a way that adds power to it, so it has a very real chance of moving outside the land of could-be to inside the land of what-is.
I have read and studied many books on goals, but the best ones I've seen come out of NLP Training classes. I've created one for this blog entry that should work for anyone, trained or not (it's actually quite close to several goal checklists I've seen, and summarizes the guts of some books on the topic).
This will take you from picking out your wishes from your dreams, and picking out your goals from your wishes.
GOAL CHECKLIST
1. Make a huge wishlist of what you want. Everything you can think of. What's happening is you are going through your random dreams, and picking out your Wishes. When you are finished, read through this list.
2. Pick several things on your Wish list you really want. You're going to find, when reading your wish list, that some of the wishes are just re-worded versions of each other. Others may be parts of other wishes. And some others - "Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time, but...". Pick several from the list that resonate with you most - but No more than nine. Re-write them if you'd like while putting them on your "Goal list". Doesn't mean you are giving up on the other wishes, once you get some of your goals, you can always do this exercise again, right ? But No More Than Nine (there is a reason - but that'll be in another post someday. For now, just stick to Nine or less. Typically, most people end up with Five.).
3. Re-write the Goals so they are positively stated. They also have to be "self-fullfillable". That is, something that is within your control. Winning the lottery isn't in your control. But a goal that relies on skills you can develop (and are able to achieve those learnings) works.
4. "How will you know when you've reached your goal ?". For those items you've picked, you have to be able to "see, hear, feel" it. What will you see around you, or see yourself doing ? What will you hear around you, or from others ? Or your internal dialog ? What will you feel, both inside (feelings) and outside (environment) ? The more you can imagine all this, the greater the chance of the goal happening.
Just for reference, Step 4 is actually the point where you're "installing a new program into your unconscious mind", one that it will see as a direction to set you in. It is worth mentioning- people that visualize bad things happening to them, and wonder why it always comes real, well, they are setting up "bad programs" for themselves.... . Dwelling on the negative, and our fears, is actually doing exactly what we are doing here - but done negatively, and unfortunately that will generate results as well. But here we are setting up good things to happen to us, and will get positive results.
5. Weigh the impact on your life. How much will you gain ? How much will you risk ? What about those around you ? Reaching for a goal will change you, your lifestyle, and relationships. Every goal has a price. But the price can be a good thing - a goal of happiness will mean you will give up sadness as part of the journey, that's a good price worth paying.
6. How badly do you want it ? Will this be an all consuming passion, or just a nice to have ? This will determine timeframe, effort, price, many things. Some goals are worth having but the importance is light enough that only minimal effort goes into them... in which case they may take much longer to manifest. Some are so beautiful and wonderful and desired, they light a fire of passion in the dreamer, and every part of their life bends toward that goal. Somewhere in between is nice (I'm a person of passion, I usually have at least one passionate goal running that I put much free time into. Sometimes two.).
Steps 5 and 6 together are "ecology checks". Some goals - the price is too high, and we discover that the present is better. In which case - we know there's more (or we wouldn't have had a need to set goals), we just need some more insight to find what it is that we already know inside that we want or need.
For non-NLP/Hypnosis people - the above checklist works, trust me. Go ahead, use it to reach some small goals, get a feel for how it works. Once you're happy with that, you can move on to reach beyond into the profound life-changing dreams you may have....
The reason for setting the goals, writing them out, is simple: The unconscious mind picks it up, and will then start finding ways for it to happen. It's like installation of a program in your computer - once you do the above exercise, the program will start running automatically. The act of following the above will actually "activate" an intention. Your unconscious mind will follow through with it, because that's what it is designed to do - follow the instructions you give it. We miss opportunities all the time, simply because other "programs" are in the way, or we haven't "programmed" outselves to see opportunities. Or other people have convinced us they aren't there. Whatever the cause - just by writing out your goals, you'll start a change process in your own mind that will open the door for them to become real.
Luck is something you make yourself. For the most part - it's an unconscious process, and involves seeing what's already there, instead of overlooking it.
Now, that's the first step. There is still one more: The Plan of Action. This is how we change a Goal into a Resolution.
This part I'm only going to explain simply. Because once you have your goals defined, your unconscious mind is going to help you out with the Plan of Action. First, I suggest that you put aside the "Goal List", and sleep on it for a night or two. Seriously. Then review it one last time, see if there is anything there you feel differently about - this is an "ecology check". Tweak anything that "feels" like it needs tweaking.
The action plan is easy. For each of the goals, pick one thing that will take you closer. If you see more than one, go ahead, write that down. But you need to write down one step. Something you can do to get one step closer.
For example, some of my goals are rather complex (I've achieved all the simplier ones many years ago). So for some goals, I have just one step, the next step needed. For other goals, I have a couple of steps... but those steps are just about creating opportunities. I may not need all of those steps, or all of those steps may not be enough. It's a list of what I can do to generate the opporunities to actually get closer to what I really want. Each step will also give it's own learnings, and that's never a bad thing.
Timeframe is a factor as well. When do you want the goal to manifest ? When can you do the steps ? Does timeframe matter ? Mark all of this down, and remember to follow your action plan.
Finally - fun. You have to make it fun. Either the goal is something you need, and makes all the steps worth it, or it can be something desired and each step on the way is fun in itself. The more opportunity to learn, grow, be more, and have fun, the better it will be. It is far better to have a goal take a little longer to reach but be fun in the process than it is to fast-track the goal at the cost of making it "all work no play".
And that's it.
A Wish is more powerful than a dream, because a dream is just a thought.
A Goal is more powerful than a Wish, because to make a goal you plant the seed of change within yourself.
And a Resolution is more powerful than a Goal, because you've started nuturing the seed, and committed to making it grow into something new that will bear fruit someday.
Choose wisely the seeds you plant and nurture, for someday they will bear fruit.
A closing note: All of this can be applied to the corporate world as well. Without spoiling a future post (or workshop), it involves "Vision", something called "Shared Reality", "Engaging all your people", and "Empowerment". And I'll leave the specifics to your imagination for the time being :).
So for the New Year - did you make "Wishes" , "Goals", or "Resolutions" ? Or just Dream? There is a difference. And it's possible to make Dreams really happen !
It all starts with a dream, a desire.
A Wish is more powerful than a dream.
A Goal is more powerful than a Wish.
A Resolution is more Powerful than a Goal !
A lot of time, people will think they are making a "New Year's Resolution", and really they are just making a wish. You've probably heard that "a goal without a plan is really just a dream waiting for the dreamer to move beyond the dream and make it real." ? If you haven't, remember you heard it here first.
So this post is about how to transform a dream into reality. Or how to make a wish come true by changing it to a resolution, in a way that adds power to it, so it has a very real chance of moving outside the land of could-be to inside the land of what-is.
I have read and studied many books on goals, but the best ones I've seen come out of NLP Training classes. I've created one for this blog entry that should work for anyone, trained or not (it's actually quite close to several goal checklists I've seen, and summarizes the guts of some books on the topic).
This will take you from picking out your wishes from your dreams, and picking out your goals from your wishes.
GOAL CHECKLIST
1. Make a huge wishlist of what you want. Everything you can think of. What's happening is you are going through your random dreams, and picking out your Wishes. When you are finished, read through this list.
2. Pick several things on your Wish list you really want. You're going to find, when reading your wish list, that some of the wishes are just re-worded versions of each other. Others may be parts of other wishes. And some others - "Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time, but...". Pick several from the list that resonate with you most - but No more than nine. Re-write them if you'd like while putting them on your "Goal list". Doesn't mean you are giving up on the other wishes, once you get some of your goals, you can always do this exercise again, right ? But No More Than Nine (there is a reason - but that'll be in another post someday. For now, just stick to Nine or less. Typically, most people end up with Five.).
3. Re-write the Goals so they are positively stated. They also have to be "self-fullfillable". That is, something that is within your control. Winning the lottery isn't in your control. But a goal that relies on skills you can develop (and are able to achieve those learnings) works.
4. "How will you know when you've reached your goal ?". For those items you've picked, you have to be able to "see, hear, feel" it. What will you see around you, or see yourself doing ? What will you hear around you, or from others ? Or your internal dialog ? What will you feel, both inside (feelings) and outside (environment) ? The more you can imagine all this, the greater the chance of the goal happening.
Just for reference, Step 4 is actually the point where you're "installing a new program into your unconscious mind", one that it will see as a direction to set you in. It is worth mentioning- people that visualize bad things happening to them, and wonder why it always comes real, well, they are setting up "bad programs" for themselves.... . Dwelling on the negative, and our fears, is actually doing exactly what we are doing here - but done negatively, and unfortunately that will generate results as well. But here we are setting up good things to happen to us, and will get positive results.
5. Weigh the impact on your life. How much will you gain ? How much will you risk ? What about those around you ? Reaching for a goal will change you, your lifestyle, and relationships. Every goal has a price. But the price can be a good thing - a goal of happiness will mean you will give up sadness as part of the journey, that's a good price worth paying.
6. How badly do you want it ? Will this be an all consuming passion, or just a nice to have ? This will determine timeframe, effort, price, many things. Some goals are worth having but the importance is light enough that only minimal effort goes into them... in which case they may take much longer to manifest. Some are so beautiful and wonderful and desired, they light a fire of passion in the dreamer, and every part of their life bends toward that goal. Somewhere in between is nice (I'm a person of passion, I usually have at least one passionate goal running that I put much free time into. Sometimes two.).
Steps 5 and 6 together are "ecology checks". Some goals - the price is too high, and we discover that the present is better. In which case - we know there's more (or we wouldn't have had a need to set goals), we just need some more insight to find what it is that we already know inside that we want or need.
For non-NLP/Hypnosis people - the above checklist works, trust me. Go ahead, use it to reach some small goals, get a feel for how it works. Once you're happy with that, you can move on to reach beyond into the profound life-changing dreams you may have....
The reason for setting the goals, writing them out, is simple: The unconscious mind picks it up, and will then start finding ways for it to happen. It's like installation of a program in your computer - once you do the above exercise, the program will start running automatically. The act of following the above will actually "activate" an intention. Your unconscious mind will follow through with it, because that's what it is designed to do - follow the instructions you give it. We miss opportunities all the time, simply because other "programs" are in the way, or we haven't "programmed" outselves to see opportunities. Or other people have convinced us they aren't there. Whatever the cause - just by writing out your goals, you'll start a change process in your own mind that will open the door for them to become real.
Luck is something you make yourself. For the most part - it's an unconscious process, and involves seeing what's already there, instead of overlooking it.
Now, that's the first step. There is still one more: The Plan of Action. This is how we change a Goal into a Resolution.
This part I'm only going to explain simply. Because once you have your goals defined, your unconscious mind is going to help you out with the Plan of Action. First, I suggest that you put aside the "Goal List", and sleep on it for a night or two. Seriously. Then review it one last time, see if there is anything there you feel differently about - this is an "ecology check". Tweak anything that "feels" like it needs tweaking.
The action plan is easy. For each of the goals, pick one thing that will take you closer. If you see more than one, go ahead, write that down. But you need to write down one step. Something you can do to get one step closer.
For example, some of my goals are rather complex (I've achieved all the simplier ones many years ago). So for some goals, I have just one step, the next step needed. For other goals, I have a couple of steps... but those steps are just about creating opportunities. I may not need all of those steps, or all of those steps may not be enough. It's a list of what I can do to generate the opporunities to actually get closer to what I really want. Each step will also give it's own learnings, and that's never a bad thing.
Timeframe is a factor as well. When do you want the goal to manifest ? When can you do the steps ? Does timeframe matter ? Mark all of this down, and remember to follow your action plan.
Finally - fun. You have to make it fun. Either the goal is something you need, and makes all the steps worth it, or it can be something desired and each step on the way is fun in itself. The more opportunity to learn, grow, be more, and have fun, the better it will be. It is far better to have a goal take a little longer to reach but be fun in the process than it is to fast-track the goal at the cost of making it "all work no play".
And that's it.
A Wish is more powerful than a dream, because a dream is just a thought.
A Goal is more powerful than a Wish, because to make a goal you plant the seed of change within yourself.
And a Resolution is more powerful than a Goal, because you've started nuturing the seed, and committed to making it grow into something new that will bear fruit someday.
Choose wisely the seeds you plant and nurture, for someday they will bear fruit.
A closing note: All of this can be applied to the corporate world as well. Without spoiling a future post (or workshop), it involves "Vision", something called "Shared Reality", "Engaging all your people", and "Empowerment". And I'll leave the specifics to your imagination for the time being :).
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)