Awareness without Analysis...

[Quick note- this is a great example of a short metaphor that was created on the fly by Dr. Mike Mandel. I will not be posting an analysis of this metaphor, but may post articles on metaphor basics, social contracts, and [hypnotic] context someday in the future. Well-delivered metaphors are more than just words - there's tonality, the body language, a lot goes into them. I've captured it in print as best possible, just keep in mind that when presented with energy, passion, and with the listener's curiosity engaged - this sort of work can have a huge impact ! Enjoy ! ]

True story....  (From the teachings of Dr. Mike Mandel )

In late November, 2011, I was taking a refresher of my hypnosis training with Dr. Mike Mandel. It's a good experience, going as a "resource person" to these classes. A fantastic chance to improve one's skills, and help the younglings learn how to work with the unconscious mind.

The night before, I had tried a new technique that Dr. Mandel had shown us as a demonstration. It's relatively simple, the end result is that the person "forgets their own name" briefly. In the right time and place, it's a fun experience for the person - they get to experience something that they would previously have believed to be impossible, and for the audience, seeing something that normally doesn't happen. Humour can be blended in, and everyone has fun.

When I tried the technique myself, it was with the friend of a friend. We were outside of a restaurant, a chill fall night, the ground still damp from the rain. I wasn't able to generate the same results (but did leave them with a good positive feeling afterwards), yet I got a lot of feedback from it, a step closer to succeeding the next time.

Something that every hypnosis class brings up, yet never really gives us practice drills for, came alive that night. The whole concepts of "context" and "social contracts". I gained a new awareness of these two things, their importance to both communication and change work. A deep level awareness, not just the surface understanding I had previously..

The next day, I mentioned it to Mike in our class, during the break.

Mike's class was then at the University of Toronto, right by Queen's Park. The class was on the morning break, and outside, people were getting ready for the Santa Claus parade.

"I'd like to show you something", Mike said to me, with that smile he has when he's up to something. We went out to the front steps. And proceeded to tell me this story....

"Here's everyone out here, getting ready for the parade. It's still early, folks are still arriving."

"There's a set of bleachers, benches for people to sit on later as they watch the parade. People probably worked on them yesterday, during the night, setting them up."

"And there (he points to a little stand next to the bleachers), are people setting up to provide refreshments for others. A healthy bit of capitalism at work, making a living working for someone.”

"And next to them are people with some other items, maybe drinks or snacks they are selling, working for themselves. That's probably the competition."

"Here (and he pointed to people in front of us, setting up two ladders with a board between them) are some people setting up their own little bleachers. Free enterprise in action."

"These people over there, they’re setting up chairs, getting ready for the parade. They'll be comfortably seated, and have a good view.

And those over there, they brought their own blankets to keep them warm while the parade is going on.".

At this point, Mike paused for just a moment, while I was taking in everything he said...

Then, looking straight at me with a "I'm up to something" sort of smile, he said...

"And some people just come to watch the parade."

He turned and slipped away before I had a chance to say anything.

Perhaps, in sharing this story, it will help share the insight he shared with me that day. Perhaps even the same shifts that I got from that metaphor. There is no way to truly know just how far a change will go…..

[Dr. Mike Mandel has been teaching a high quality hypnosis class twice yearly for NLP Canada Training for about 15 years now. His free podcast software gives a very good overview of "hypnotherapy, stage hypnosis, covert hypnosis, NLP and much more" .
Link to Mike's Brain Software podcast :

http://mikemandelhypnosis.com/2011/11/17/brain-software-with-dr-mike-mandel-podcast-session-01/

]

Game : Spirit Journey

Game: The Spirit Journey

This is a fun little game that will teach you something about yourself, perhaps something you never knew. And it's a lead-in for a future article on "The Law of Association" (a property of the unconscious mind, usually shows up in the field of Hypnosis), and eventually "Modelling" (another property of the unconscious mind, one of the foundational NLP skills). But for now - read the story, play the little game, and see what you learn about yourself... you may be surprised !

Let's begin...

Many of the ancient tribal cultures were far more connected to the world than our current society is. The world around them was not just a physical thing, but also a thing of spirit, of mystery, with man being a part of the cycle of things, both taking and also giving back to the environment. There was a great deal of respect for the world... sometimes respect of fear, sometimes gratitude for what was given. When an animal was slain for food or clothing, it was thanked with gratitude and honour for what it provided for the tribe, and it's life was taken out of necessity.

People in these tribes worked together, not just for survival, but for growth, the continuance of the tribe, and the future.

Being an adult member of the tribe is not just a matter of age, it was also a matter of certain shared experiences. When a child, male or female, would reach adulthood, the child would embark on a spirit journey. This journey would often have perils on it, challenges that were within the individual's reach yet required effort. In facing these challenges, the child would mature and gain wisdom that mere teachings could not provide.

The young adult would be given a small amount of food, a knife to use as a tool and weapon, and clothing, and then would embark on the journey. Although typically they would bring back something from a distant location as proof of the journey, the whole point of this journey was the journey, not the end goal, and the return back to the tribe, where they would be welcomed as a new person, an adult of the tribe. No longer needing protection, but making a contribution in whatever way their abilities dictated.

This journey was not simply physical... they would be open to everything the mind offered, anything in the imagination. This was called the "spirit journey", where the archtypes of the mind would come alive. Everything would be looked at with a sense of "how is this connected to everything else ?". The rains giving water, the animals being prey, or hunters, or guides. Caves being gateways to the depths of the earth. Everything had meaning. Sometimes the journey is purely in the physical realm, sometimes it is in the spirit realm....

Imagine you are there, now, and embarking on your spirit journey.

At one point, you find yourself journeying through the spirit world, drifting through a beautiful fog. The fog is your favourite colour.

Now: Write down what colour it is.... and give three words that describes that colour. Any three words.



(Go ahead and write it down before carrying on....)



You continue your journey. It seems like it will be a very long journey, and you have no idea what you will encounter, or what will happen.

While you are journeying, you are joined by your faithful animal spirit guide, your companion for your journey through both the known and unknown. It takes the form of your favourite animal.

Now: Write down what animal it is. The first one that came to mind.
Now: Write down three words to describe your faithful animal spirit guide. Just three words.


Put the paper aside for the moment, and come back to the present....






[Read past this point only after you've gone ahead with the above game]






What you have Learned About Yourself

In the first part:
The three words you used to describe the fog is how you see yourself. Your inner self-image, even if you don't feel that way on some days.

In the second part:
The three words you used to describe your animal spirit companion describes your ideal companion. It's not so much the animal you choose - but what that animal means to you, what qualities you see in it, how it makes you feel.


Disagree on the first part ? Then what's happening is you're listening more to the world's opinions of you, or measuring yourself against the standard the world is trying to have you believe in. But what you came up with is your inner self-image, the things you resonate most with. You resonate with them because they are your qualities as well, regardless if you are able to express them or not.

Disagree on the second part ? Then what's happening is you are consciously looking at what society is trying to impose on you for relationships, or expectations of others you are trying to live up to, or you are mixing it up with past relationships (good and bad). The result from the exercise is revealing what your unconscious needs for a lifelong companion, what it (and you) are really most comfortable with.

How does this game work ? It'll get explained in a future article.

Generally - it`s about how "what we think we want" and "what we really need" can be two different things.



We get to this information, which can sometimes be nearly impossible to get to any other way, by using the "Law of Association".


In a future article, I'll explain the Law of Association more fully (and that`s when I`ll explain how this game works). There is a lot of information that can come from these "Games" that you simply can't get any other way. It can also be used in a different way to not only get information, but to connect you with skills and abilities you have inside you that you may not realize you already have (that`s when it becomes `Modelling`) !

Cheers !

The Will and the Word Part 2 - Exercises

In Part 1, I outlined how people can train their unconscious minds to disregard their intentions, or even undermine them.

In this post, I'll outline how you can re-train your unconscious mind to work with you- to support your intentions, and your goals.

This will increase your ability to manifest your intentions... in other words, it'll make goals come easier, and things will get done easier. After doing the exercises I outline (trust me, they are very easy), it'll reduce barriers inside you that may be holding you back... it becomes much easier to get things done, and also makes it seem like there's a lot more time in life for doing things.

It'll also have the net result of increased rapport with your own unconscious. And build up intrinsic self-esteem, the self-worth that is completely independent of what goes on in the external world.

The way you strengthen this quality, your "will", is very simple. Here's the starting point:

1. Do what you say, and say what you do.
2. Do things for yourself just as you would do for someone you love and truely care for.

"Do what you say, and say what you do"

This covers being honest - and direct - to others. And just as importantly - yourself !

It doesn't mean you make your life an open book for everyone, or let people walk all over you, and yes, sometimes being direct means opening yourself up to critisism, but you want your inner mind to learn that your words mean something (you can be diplomatic, though - it's very possible to be completely honest, and also diplomatic).

It's also about keeping committments to yourself and others. Notice the word "yourself"... many of us find it easier to keep committments to others, and neglect to do the same for one's own self.

The guidelines:

1. Start off small. Pick things you have to do anyway.
2. Be persistent. Always do a few of these every day.
3. Progression and creativity: Gradually create and do exercises that have increasingly more impact in your life, build up to actions that make a difference to you and others around you.

The exercises - you'll have to create them for your own life. It's easiest to show by example.

Exercise #1:
Statement: "I'm getting up at 5:30am with the alarm, first thing is shower, make bed, get everything ready I need to take to work. Then have the morning coffee."
Change from "Normal Behaviour": Well, I'm already going to get up at 5:30am. So it's no extra effort - but I'm practicing making statements, and carrying through with them. Normally I'd wander around in a daze until after the morning coffee. Or I might hit snooze on the alarm clock. Sometimes I'd have things ready the night before - but with this statement, I'd hold off and do it in the morning... in the order I stated.
Effects: The whole thing presupposes an "order". So there is the additional (long term) side effect of squeezing out procrastination, and building up an organized lifestyle. By shifting around the order of what I'm doing, stating it first and then carrying it out - I'm establishing a new pattern... training my unconscious mind that what I say I'm going to do is going to happen.
Comments: And the whole thing is "no extra effort". All I've done is made a statement of what I'm going to do, and carried it out exactly as stated. I had to do all of the above anyway - but now I'm putting it to words first, then actions. That's the key to establishing a new pattern. The next day, I may say the exact same thing. Or not - but regardless, I will follow through with my stated actions, exactly as stated.

Exercise #2:
Statement: "I will have my stuff ready for work the night before. Tommorrow morning I'll be up at 5:40am, shower before anything else is done. I'll have my coffee on the way to work, not before. I'll be out of the apartment at 6:05am, no sooner and no later."
Effects, Comments: As exercise #1, but the shift is to prevent this from being a singular new pattern formed (the above exercise) to the pattern being following through the words, so if the words change patterns change as well. It's very important to "mix things up" occasionally this way. Note the statement "out of the apartment at 6:05am, no sooner and no later.". So if you're ready to go at 6:00am... wait till 6:05am !!

Exercise #3:
Statement: Pick something you usually indulge in, and then pick a small period where you will deny it for yourself. For a smoker, this could be cigarettes. For a coffee drinker, coffee. "Between 9am and 11am, I will not have coffee. Anytime after 11am, I will have my coffee".
Effect: You are training your unconscious to follow your stated intentions... but you are also leaving room for ambiguity. "Anytime after 11am" does not mean you'll have your vice at 11am, just that it will be at that time or later.
Comment: It is very important to "not script your life". Life is improvised, there has to be space for random events, or taking advantages of opportunities. The above "Statement of words" establishes the pattern of your words meaning something, it commits you to "not have your <vice>" during that timeframe, you can indulge as opportunity presents after.

Exercise #4:
Statement: "This morning, I'll drive to work without making any side trips.". The next day - "I will drive home from work without making side trips". On some other day - "I will drive home from work, and stop at <whatever store> for <whatever item I need at home>.". Then follow through.
Effect: Three different examples, really. The first one ("without making any side trips") trains up a pattern of directness. Ie, no distractions, no getting sidetracked. The second one is much the same - but there's usually more temptation in the drive home, since we usually aren't as scheduled... so there's more "weight" to that exercise. Here's the catch : If something comes up during the day - no matter how important - you MUST carry through. Even if the moment after you get home, you have to go out again ! In the final statement, where you state you'll make that ONE stop, you are training your mind to REMEMBER stops along any journey or goal that are necessary for that journey or goal... provided you outlined them ahead of time !

The above exercises are good "samples", outlining the various scenarios - I will give more advanced exercises later in a follow-up to this article. Creating exercises similiar to the above that apply to your life (more than just four - the four given were just to illustrate that it's easy to do, and the different types), and following through with them, will gradually strengthen your ability to "make things happen". You may even get comments from others on your "self-discipline" or "strength of will". Effects will ripple out to other areas of your life - but for now, just do the above.

There is one VERY IMPORTANT POINT : Shifting Priorities. Sooner or later, there will be times that something happens where you have to "break your word". Keep these times to zero. Because then you are training "exceptions", which defeats the whole point of the above. Whatever causes you to "break your word" will become part of the pattern, so choose consciously "Is this an exception that is permissible?". Then next time work that into your statements. ("I will go straight home from work once I finish work for the day. The only exception is if my child calls and needs a ride home.").



"Do things for yourself just as you would do for someone you love and truely care for"

It feels nice to look after someone we love, be it by giving them time, or helping them out with something. We feel we've added to the person's life, and feel happier ourselves for it. But how often to we take the time, or make the effort, to do something for one's own self that is an act of love ? Not materialistic - but something of value.

Buying someone something nice is an act of materialism. That's ok, but for our purposes, we need to switch to "valuable yet not materialistic". What we want to do has more to deal with "effort".

Exercise:
Look around the house for simple little things you can do NOW that will make your life easier LATER. For example - sorting out the mail/bills/budget so you don't have to worry about it later. Pick one. Just one.
Statement: Then say "I'm going to do this <pick date and time to start, perhaps number of hours you'll spend on it - whatever fits best>. I'm doing this because it will make my life easier later, one less thing to have to do in the future, because I'm worth the effort.". The carry through with it. For this sort of exercise, it is VERY important to do it !!!
Effect: Besides it actually making your life easier, and strengthening the "will", it will start building up (or rebuilding, or strengthening) intrinsic self-esteem, self-worth. This will ripple out to many areas of your life over time. And make it easy to spot someone trying to take advantage of you, and resist their manipulations (it won't make you immune - but it will defeat manipulation attempts that are based on selling you something "for you to feel worthwhile"... you'll have a sense of self-worth, and be able to see through these attempts).

Troubleshooting, and Additional Tips

I'm throwing this in as an afterthought.

1. "I've made my statements, but have problems carrying through with them."
Solution: Go smaller. If you're a smoker, and say you're going to quit - that HUGE. Pick really small things, and work up to the big things. That's good common sense. Yes - it is possible to build up the will to the point where you can say "No more smoking. I can go without, and any side effects will not bother me at all, I can ignore them". But that'll take time. Start off small with the things you need to do anyway, then add more gradually.

2. "Is it possible for this to backfire ?"
Unfortunately, yes... that's how the will gets broken down in the first place. Saying things, and not carrying through. In the second exercise, this is particularly dangerous since it sends a message to your unconscious that you "aren't worth it". So it's really good to start small. Build up over time. If you stumble, go back to things a bit easier, and continue to work upwards.

3. MAKE LISTS !
Often, when we forget things - this is self-sabotage. It's an expression of the pattern we "accidentally" installed. So, for some of these exercises - make up a list. Then go through them and check them off as you do it. This will prevent the previously installed pattern, the one of "not following through with the will", from manifesting through "bad memory". Eventually, you will not need lists anymore. (And you can add "I will follow through this list" to your statements as well, use the pattern to strengthen the new pattern of "strong will").



4. Leave space for "random events" and "opportunities".
Remember life is improvised, not scripted. You don't want to make a list of everything you will be doing for the day, and then make up exercises for them, you just want a few things each day. It's the "meaningful events" you want to set the patterns for. Conversely - you may want to say "I will go out to the bookstore - and look for an opportunity to change someone's bad day to a good day". This is "leaving a space for something eventful to happen, if opporunity permits". This is a more advanced exercise that really warrents it's own article. The real point I'm making is to leave space to enjoy randomness in life. Don't box yourself into a static life.

5. Keep a Journal
This isn't really necessary - but it is a nice to have to look back on later. It's a re-affirmation that you did it, that you can do it. And if you falter someday and need to start again - it's proof that when you put your mind to it, you can and will do it.


The most important thing : Be persistant. Keep at it.


Hope these exercises will lead folks to a better future, one where they can dream up good things - and then make them come true !

The Will and the Word - Part 1 (or: How to manifest your goals and dreams to reality)

How would you like to be able to choose your own destiny ? To be able to set intentions for a goal to turn out the way you want, and have it happen ?

For many people, their lives are run by fate. Sometimes things work out, sometimes they don't. Sometimes they have no control of their lives at all. Occasionally their plans work out, often they take much longer than they wanted or planned, or turn out completely different from expected. Some people, on the extreme side - "Anything that can go wrong, does go wrong".

What is the difference between these two groups ? The ones that have full control of their destiny ("Movers", people that make things happen), and those unfortunates that don't ?

It's one simple ability: "Will". Specifically, "the will to manifest their thoughts into reality". It's the part of you that takes your intentions and makes them real.

This is not the same "will of the moment" (ie, a burst of stubbornness or determination). This is the ability to state a goal, or intention, or something we want to have at some point in the future - and have it happen, somehow. Ever notice how some people get all the lucky breaks, and other's don't ? It does, however, provide the ability to resist when someone is influencing you to some action that is more in their best interest than yours. It all ties in, keep reading and you'll see... .

Bluntly put - we are all born with this "will". Yet very few actually develop it, and many of us erode it. We have only a fraction of this "will to manifest" than we are capable of. And many of us, through bad choices, actually what "will" we do have.

Throughout this article, I'd like to show you how "will" becomes damaged or eroded, how "will" works to impact our lives, and what YOU can do to rebuild your own "will" to fantastic levels so that any goal, every intention, that you set happens. Easily, and almost like magic.

How "Will" works, and how we Destroy it

For this article, it's easiest to describe how people can destroy their own will. That will also explain how it works. First off, no one can damage your will except you - it's impossible. Only you can destroy it, only you can repair it.

The most damaging thing a person can do to destroy their own will is to lie.
Next most damaging is to break committments, or any sort of mismatching of words with actions.

When a person lies, their unconscious mind is fully aware of what they are saying. Simply put - they train their unconscious mind that their words do not matter. That what they say is really meaningless. The unconscious mind learns extremely well. So when you establish patterns that your words mean nothing... it will follow that pattern without prejudice. Every lie made strengthens the pattern. The unconscious mind gradually learns to ignore an individual's words, and intentions. Worse - if the words used were exact opposite to the truth, their unconscious mind establishes a pattern of reversal - "do the opposite of what I say" gets set in place.

The unconscious mind is powerful... it has all of your strengths, resources, abilities, it's the source of your emotions, 95 percent of your thoughts are their... it's main goal is to assist you in life, and living.

Think of the conscious mind as the captain of the ship, and the unconscious mind is the navigator and the crew. The conscious mind sets the direction, the course, the unconscious mind makes it happen.

What happens to a ship when the crew stops listening to the captain ? Well... it would continue on it's last set of valid directions, maybe... or drift around, just reacting to obstacles. I'll leave the rest to your imagination.

So by lying, a person trains their unconscious mind that their words are meaningless and can be ignored. Or to do the reverse.

Later on, that person may say "Oh, I want to achieve <whatever>". Their unconscious mind hears the words, the intentions, yet ignores them... because that person, through lying, has trained their unconscious mind that the words are just sounds without meaning. Worse case scenario, it may have learned to do the opposite... in which case they will definitely not achieve <whatever>, they will get the opposite result.

Breaking committments, or mismatching words (and intentions) to actions, is the next worse. It basically teaches the unconscious mind that goals don't matter. That a goal or intention can be ignored if something else comes up, or if it's too much effort. If a person trains their unconscious mind enough this way, it will simply ignore any goals that go beyond the immediate moment, and just deal with the goals of the moment until the moment passes.

The most dangerous part of damaging one's own will is that they can generate patterns where their unconscious mind is more receptive to instructions from others in the world around them than their own instructions. They become people of reaction rather than people of action.

Patterns such as procrastination, disorganization, forgetting things, and other self-sabotage or limiting patterns are the outcome of this sort of self-training. Even bad relationships, or losing good ones (the unconscious ignoring our intent for healthy relationships). It starts slowly, but over time will have huge limits imposed on oneself. It even accounts for why addictions (food, substances, etc) can be hard to shake. (I'll make a seperate post on this, in Part 3).

Essentially what has happened is that we have damaged our ability to have rapport with our own unconscious mind. This rapport is one of the elements that give us the ability to have our unconscious mind co-operate with us, and follow through with our intentions. Simply put - our own minds no longer take us seriously.

We all make mistakes over time, no one is perfect, yet our unconscious minds are always active, always learning... anytime we stretch the truth out, or mismatch actions to words, there's a small erosion of our ability to bring about our intentions.





Enhancing our "will", our ability to manifest our intentions

So - How do we increase our "will", our rapport with our unconscious minds, and our ability to make our intentions (dreams, goals) really happen ?

It's easy - do the reverse of the above. When you say something - follow through with it. Follow through with committments. Do what you say, and say what you do.

In the next part - I'll give some exercises that help with rebuilding or increasing "will". It is very easy, almost effortless, and over time will replace the bad patterns with good ones. You want to get to the point where "will" is effortless, and automatic. This will make it much easier to reach goals and achieve whatever it is you'd like to achieve in life !

Confirmation Bias : Instead of "I Can't", question with "Why Not ?"

Today's post is just going to be a short one.... "Confirmation Bias".

I was at a course recently, and the instructor presented us with this term. I'm very familiar with the concept, but this is the first I've heard it explained in a very simple way....

"Confirmation Bias : It's when a person has a belief in something, and then tends to see, to really notice and become aware of, anything which supports that belief (conversations, events, objects, anything), and filter out, to no longer notice, anything that contradicts that belief." . Wonderfully simple explanation.

A really good simple example (analogous, not quite the same, but a good starting point)... if you buy an item, say a Honda Civic, you will tend to notice a lot more Honda Civics on the road... or similiarly shaped cars especially if they are the same colour. And if you really believed it was the best car available (at least for you) and had put a lot of thought into buying it, this effect will amplify even more.... you'll notice it *much* more than you would have otherwise !!!

So... confirmation bias is when you've unconsciously decided on what's true, and filter out that which contradicts it, seeing only what supports it.



Remember- a belief is just a representation of "truth" - it is not necessarily what the "truth" is, just what you think it is.... . It's what is "true for you" at that time, and could change as you grow and learn more.

It's why many people hold themselves back. They believe "they can't", and they unconsciously notice only that which supports their belief.... and ignore any evidence that "they can". In NLP terms - they've adjusted their filters to exaggerate what they belief in, and delete or distort anything that contradicts it.

It's something that any NLP practitioner or Hypnosis practitioner has to be aware of - how to spot it, how to break it down, how to re-open the person to possibilities of change and growth.

Very wild stuff - a simple change to the confirmation bias opens a huge doorway to change in the mind !

Having a confirmation bias will limit what you see as available options. This will affect your actions, your choices, and how you react to a situation. If you believe a situation is bad and hopeless... you'll overlook the ways the situation can be changed or improved.

It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy !

For the layman - learn to be objective ! When you believe you can't, question that belief with a "Why Not ?". Look for the reasons you "Can" and start focusing on that, put your attention on the "why you can" instead. If you believe someone doesn't like you - look at the evidence to the contrary... or ask someone to point that out to you, and look at it instead. You may end up changing things, and breaking out of the self-fullfilling prophecy !

For the practitioner - Use your meta-modelling skills ! Look for the generalizations, they will have a lot of inclusions there ("all the time", "you know" (implies a common knowledge everyone shares), etc). Start breaking them down, that'll start fragmenting the confirmation bias. They can have all the resources in the world, but if they can't see that they can be applied to their situation, then they won't be acting resourced in the situation. Once the filters are cleared up so they can see they have options, then you can move on to attaching more resources.


There is one possible exception to the above for when you'd want confirmation bias. It can be used to lock in a highly resourced state, and lock out any beliefs of failure (especially when combined with "failure to feedback" strategies). If someone has a task, and you (or they... this does happen naturally on it's own sometimes) set up a confirmation bias that they can only succeed at it, especially if they never give up, then they will succeed. And any failures won't be seen as failures, just lessons on the path to eventual success. That's a positive application of confirmation bias.


Final Note:
The concept has been around for awhile, using terms of self-sabotage, or self-fulfilling prophecy... usually associated with terms like "filters", "generalizations, deletions, distortions"... but I've never seen it called "confirmation bias" before. It's so much easier to call it that, and then explain it afterwards. And the simpler it is, the easier it is to utilize !

Storytelling Part 1 : Stories Change People

Stories are wonderful things. Whether is stories from classical literature, or children's tales, there is something magic about reading them.

They are fiction, we suspend our disbelief and take a little vacation from reality, relate to some of the characters and situations, forget all about our worries in every day life, and enjoy.

And get changed by it - but that's something most folks never think about, right ?

Stories can be simple or complex, they can be many levels deep, but every single one of them produces a change of some kind... changes ranging from huge and profound to a simple nudge that causes you to turn left instead of right.... perhaps changing the course of your entire life !

Here is a really short and sweet example, it's a children's story - but can change the entire direction of a child's life :
-------]
 The Lion and the Mouse


  Once when a Lion was asleep a little Mouse began running up
and down upon him; this soon wakened the Lion, who placed his huge
paw upon him, and opened his big jaws to swallow him.  "Pardon, O
King," cried the little Mouse: "forgive me this time, I shall
never forget it: who knows but what I may be able to do you a turn
some of these days?"  The Lion was so tickled at the idea of the
Mouse being able to help him, that he lifted up his paw and let
him go.  Some time after the Lion was caught in a trap, and the
hunters who desired to carry him alive to the King, tied him to a
tree while they went in search of a waggon to carry him on.  Just
then the little Mouse happened to pass by, and seeing the sad
plight in which the Lion was, went up to him and soon gnawed away
the ropes that bound the King of the Beasts.  "Was I not right?"
said the little Mouse.
-------]

That story was written by a man named "Aesop". If you have children, and wish to teach them some very good life lessons, I'd suggest checking out his other stories here : http://aesopfables.com .

Within that short little story, was lessons about being kind to others, and not judging others. About how a single act of generosity, with no expectation of return, could come back when you least expect it. Reading that to a child (or adult) - there is entertainment, and the teaching of a profound lesson.

I'll be posting more advanced storytelling concepts later on, things like how metaphors can change entire lives, bring failing organizations back to a healthy state, how our lives are stories, and even non-verbal stories.

There is a profound link between Storytelling, and any Change Work - NLP, or Hypnosis. This I will cover in future posts.

For now, I think I'll call this post finished. The story, and what it does, speaks for itself. I'd rather you simply read and enjoy the story one more time, aloud this time, and feel the magic it works on you, and would work on a child.

Hypnosis/NLP - What can it do for you ?

You've probably read or heard about Hypnosis before. Maybe even NLP. If nowhere else, then just from here on my blog.

I'd really like to define it, but that'll definitely have to wait for another day. All I'll say for now is that it is about increasing your choices, your options, and reconnecting you to strengths you've always had. It is not at all like what gets portrayed on TV, and if you've ever been to a stage show - that's a different form of hypnosis completely, nothing like what takes place at a Practitioner's Office.

So what can these two "change tools" do for you ?

Quite a bit, really.
Here's an example....

Consider someone that has the condition known as depression (the lawyers make us say it that way). We can't cure depression, we aren't doctors (lawyers make us say that too). But what we can do is teach someone "Happiness".

Happiness is good, isn't it ? When a person is in the state known as happiness, they can do more, things become easier, the world becomes a nicer place. So, we leave "treating depression" to doctors and talk therapists. If you want to talk about depression, or get medicated, go see them. Instead, a good change agent will simply teach you how to be happy.

Happy and [the state often called] Depressed really don't mix too well. Unless you are happy about being depressed, in which case you aren't really depressed, just a wee bit confused. Confused about a negative state can be a good thing, imagine wanting to be depressed, but not able to quite figure out how to do so, and just settling for happy instead since it's more useful, and easier to get to.

We haven't taken anything from you. Or mind controlled you. All we did was teach you something so you have a new option - you can now choose to be happy, or not.

The mind is a pretty neat thing - it is fundamentally positive. And once you know how to get back to positive states, every time you make the journey there it gets easier.

Negative states tend to be more of a defensive reaction, or a "signalling" from the unconscious mind that simply won't let go until it's properly acknowledged. Sometimes, just acknowledging and questioning the "feelings" that signal the negative state can cause it to go. Or bring into awareness what it is you need to be doing.

The role of the Change Agent (Hypnosis or NLP Practitioner) is to guide you to your resources and strengths. You'll be surprised at how much power the most forgotten resources can give a person. It takes skill, training, experience, but what it all comes down to is we are guides, and we help fuel the change. It is still your choice in the end to accept the changes.

That's one of the many things a Change Agent can do - help you find the resources you need, the states you need, to reach your goals and overcome problems.

Change your mind for the better, and your life will change for the better as well. It all begins with the decision to make the change, and that is a choice you have to make, no one can do it for you or impose anything without your explicit consent.

And that's what "Hypnosis" and "NLP" really is - the tools to make changes. To give you a better life. To give you a path you can walk that will make your dreams reality.

Make Haste Slowly, always bet on the Tortoise...

It's very strange, and wonderful, some of the conversations you can have with people just by being positive, friendly, and open to infinite possibilities. Literally anything can happen. Everyone has a story, everyone wants to grow and be more. Sometimes, people get stuck for a bit. Sometimes, they aren't sure where to turn next, or think they know but what they want isn't really what they need.

This is a true story, with some good lessons. Good for metaphor use, if you ever need one.

I'll put the "Lessons" at the end, if you want to get right to that part (search on "Lessons"). But the story itself is well worth reading.

The other night, I was killing a bit of time while waiting for my Salsa class to start. While sitting at one of the restaurants in the area, enjoying a coffee and doing up some notes on my Netbook, I saw someone that I used to run into a lot in that same place, one of the employees there that I used to chit chat with over the course of 2010.

One of the best things I ever learned was "take a genuine interest in people, everyone has a story, and when you're open to it you can experience wonderful things". (Paraphrased; from Mike Mandel's Hypnosis training at NLP Canada Training, April 2010).

So I chatted with this person, curious about how his holidays were, if anything much had gone on in the area in the months I'd been away. Mostly small talk.

Then he mentioned some of his hopes for the future, that he was getting into college for a particular course, and was having problems with the math portion. He asked if I could help out at all. I asked what kind of math he had to know, he went and got the textbook he was studying.

It was a pretty big thing, well worn and heavy, a bit dog eared. He'd been working hard to learn the material himself that he needed to go back to college. I plunked it down on the table with a thud, let it flip open like magic to the math section he was working on, and took a read through while he went back to work. After awhile he came back and we chatted a bit.

I actually felt a bit awkward at first. You see, my impulse was to assume that he was looking for someone to help tutor him in math. But I knew that that was just "my assumption", and I had to see past it. So I asked him a few questions about it. Carefully. What I wanted to ask was "How do you find this hard ?", but whenever you ask someone something like that, they see it as a challenge to their intelligence.

What I really wanted to know what "What's holding you back from learning this material ? Learning it to the point where it's easy ?". It sounds easy to say, but put yourself into the other person's shoes, and how does it feel if someone throws that question at you ? It doesn't feel nice, even with the best tonality it comes across as arrogant or superior.

I did say "I've got some questions to ask you about this, but I'm not sure how to phrase them, so please bear with me.". I paused for a moment, collected my thoughts, and went on to ask a few questions. Sort of like "When you're doing this for a test, how do you feel ? What do you feel holds you back from doing better at it ?". Perhaps a few other questions as well.

The answers I got gave me really good insights to what was going on. Apparently, his earlier studies of math involved using a calculator... . But on these tests, no calculators. He wasn't used to doing the questions without a calculator. The other thing was the pressure of having a time limit on the tests keep interrupting his concentration. Instead of focusing on solving the question, he'd focus on how much time he had left.... .

In the end, "There's no way out of it, you're going to have to practice this stuff. You're going to have to put effort into it, and committment, that's the bad news. the good news, it's going to be easy for you, and here's why...".

So I told him a little story.

Back in the 90's , I used to do some serious bodybuilding, just as a hobby. At the time I stopped, I was doing well over 300 pounds for presses, squats, and deadlifts. And that was just part of the workout.

[he looked shocked]

But when I first started - I was only doing 50 pounds at the beginning. That's right, just the bar with no weight. I kept at it, and eventually got to the heavy weights. And you know, it was really easy.

Because I'd only add one pound each day to the weights. I mean, if you can do 50 pounds, what's 51 ? Just a tiny bit more. And if you can do 51, what's 52 ? That's an even smaller increase this time, compared to the day before. It's only one pound, well, more like two pounds every second day... but not much.

And after a year of keeping at it, I got up to 315 pound lifts. Didn't really seem hard at that point, it was just a pound or two more from the workout before that. I stopped there since I had passed my goals anyway, and was happy.

So here's what I want you to do....

Put aside a couple hours every night. But only five days a week. The first night - you can do ten questions in two hours, right ? Probably even have time left over. And if you can do ten, then the next night, you can do eleven. It's just one extra question, right ? And since the more you do, the easier it gets, maybe you'll get an extra question in, and have even more leftover time.

And the night after that, add another question. That's not so bad, is it ? Only one little extra question, just a tiny bit more, yes ?

(feedback checks going on all the time- making sure I got agreement on all of that)

Just keep at it that way. Add a little more each time, never overload yourself. It'll get easier and easier as time goes on.

And if you can find a way to make it fun somehow, maybe give meaning to the numbers and patterns you see while you're working on the questions, it'll be even easier. Maybe they are birthdays of people you know in there, or dates something happened. Be playful, maybe you'll remember something nice as well.

The change in his expression and physiology was surprising... there was a realization there, and a sense that something got released (perhaps fear being replaced with hope ? or anxiety with calmness ? Doesn't matter - something good happened).

Now, the rest of the story is up to him. His committment to making it happen.


Lessons Learned from that random encounter, from just 15 minutes of two lives....

1. Be respectful when dealing with people. Sometimes, questions that seem innocent or harmless to you may be interpreted by them as negative. As a challenge perhaps, or maybe the question will actually give credibility to an unhealthy belief that they have. Ie, some questions may actually make the problem worse.
2. Questions should be kept framed in a way that allows the person to do better. Question the behaviour, not the person, and presuppose better behaviours or states are available.
3. "Better to teach a man to fish than to give him a fish.". Giving a stragety to get through a problem or reach a goal is golden. What really shines is if it's done in such a way that it is easy for them to run with it. Especially if it gives them a new road to walk that leads to "hope", and they know they can walk it.
4. Keep the whole thing positive. Playful if you can. Fun. For you, and for them.
5. Learn what you can from them as well, positive change can work both ways.

All I did was give him a new strategy to play with, a useful one. The only thing I can think of for where the strategy came from is the story of "The Tortise and the Hare" - the idea of "Make Haste Slowly". Slow, certain, determined progression will win out over a lot of random unfocused energy. Guess the unconscious mind really has amazing resources to it, right ?

You can move a lot of weight, easily, if you work up to it one pound at a time, slowly.
The more you practice, the easier things become, which lets you add a little more each time.

Goals are met one step at a time. Some people call the steps that get you closer "failure", but really they are just "a step closer to your goal, and a success in that you learned something from it".




You never know what stories people have unless you take the time to get to know them, and let them share whatever stories they choose to share. Be positive and cheerful, you'll get stories that are there or are on the way there !

Models (Part 1) : A Useful Untruth

Welcome back, younglings and wizened gurus alike, to the exploration of NLP, Hypnosis, and self-improvement in general !

Today's post is about models. Just a general overview. Eventually, I'll be posting more about specific models of the mind, in contexts of NLP, Hypnosis, and other behavioural or state change tools, but for now I need to lay some groundwork about models.

So- What is a model ? And what can it do for me ?

Well, a model is a tool, a representation of something that you cannot touch or see or experience with your senses, yet can be used to answer questions about "things". Think of a square drawn on a whiteboard - the lines that make up the square are not the square, but they define it. Likewise, a model is defined by certain pre-supposed beliefs and assumptions, they give the edges of the model, but are not the model.

With a "Model", you can represent something, use it to ask better questions, and find answers - for anything that falls within that particular model ! That's the important part that we'll get back to in a bit... "that particular model".

So using the model for Newtonian physics, we can create all sorts of wonderful mechanical devices, like cars for instance. The model for quantum physics wouldn't help terribly much for that - way too complex, but can answer questions that fall outside the Newtonian physics model.

Models are a very good way to teach material as well - they define the limits of the material, and contain it to a comprehensible amount till the student is ready to move beyond the model, into a new one.

NLP is a model. Hypnosis has several models. Holistic medicine is a model. Scientific medicine is also a model. Some of these models contradict each other- but all of them are valid. Confused ? Good - confusion is good, it means you are open to learning (that's a different model, that little quote).

So now that we've got a few basics on "models in general" down, let's move onto some more specific examples.... well, just one this time. And really just a surface view of it.

I'm going to focus on the NLP model for a bit. Then I'm going into the limits of models, and why it's important to realize that models are a useful untruth.

Here are some of the presuppositions, of the NLP model:
1. People respond to their experience, not to reality itself.
(in my early days, the phrase "The map is not the territory." was used).
2. People make the best choice they can at the time.
This is based on their "map of reality". What we see as "bad, bizzare, or evil" choices is simply from them not having a rich enough map of reality to make better choices.
3. People work perfectly.
The behaviour may not be the best - but it works. A phobia works just fine. It may not be desired, but it does work.
4. Every behaviour has a positive intention.
 This relates to point #3 above.

This is a partial list. There will be future articles on the NLP model that will be more complete, as well as hypnosis, transactional analysis ("Scripts we live"), and a few others that are very useful for any sort of change or self-improvement work, but this is good enough for today's session.

It's very reassuring to know, though, that "you work perfectly". And that somewhere deep inside of you, the habits you may have and find annoying or counterproductive actually have a positive intention. Wouldn't it be nice to simply change them into good habits instead ? And that's one of the beauties of the NLP model. It works. It can do that. That makes it very useful, and if someone is operating congruently within the model, there is a LOT than can be done.

The NLP is a great model, one everyone can benifit from having, but it is not the only model. Never limit yourself to a single model, get out there and explore.

Because models are simply "not real". They are extremely useful untruths, or incomplete truth. A given model may, if it`s an excellent one like the NLP model, give access to a great many truths - but there are others that are simply beyond it`s framework, that to reach you need to use a different model, one that may miss some of the truths the NLP model contains.

There are questions that it can't answer, problems that it can't solve. For example, the NLP model does not answer questions such as "how does free will work". That's automatically assumed by the model - so both the question and answer lie outside the model. All models have their "holes" in them.

Think of a model as an Act within a Play. It contains part of the story, but the rest of the Acts are needed to see the whole Play unfold.

Does that mean that models are useless, or that the NLP model is fundamentally flawed ? Not at all ! Models are great for teaching, and having a model for any sort of change work is necessary.

The point I'm making is that you need more than one model. It's ok to be an expert in one and just ok in the others - but never limit yourself to just one set of tools, or rules to work with. Have several.

Over the course of the next year, I'll get back to the subject of models, and give some models that will be particular use for anyone that works with NLP, Hypnosis, or any sort of self-improvement or change tools.

Meanwhile, consider what models you work with now.... and give some thought to finding other models you can use to enrich your life, and lead to greater personal growth for yourself or those around you in the future !

The Best Teachers (and Experts) are always learning....

Have you ever noticed that, when taking training or classes, some teachers seem to be magic ? That when they teach, even the most boring material suddenly becomes fun, dynamic, alive ? And that by the end of class - you know all the material that was taught, effortlessly, and have a lot of great memories as well ?

This can apply to working with certain "subject matter experts" as well.

And then there's others where you just want to tune out and fall asleep. The material takes effort to learn, slips by, and you are forced to read up on the topic yourself afterwards because you just didn't get it.

Let's go back to the teachers that make the magic happen, that's so much more fun to experience, isn't it ?

The difference is very simple. Rapport is the key. Oh, there's some other subtle things going on, but the secret is that those teachers are learning from you just as you are learning from them.

The best teachers are those that are also learning the good things from their students that the students offer. Because everyone has something to offer someone else, even if it's so subtle they may not realize it.

Many years ago, I knew a very young instuctor that taught night school for several months. I found out later that he was actually the youngest one in the class - very early 20's, the youngest student was in his 30's. He actually dyed a few bits of hair grey so the class would assume he was older than he was, and make a better first impression.

He knew the material inside and out, but that's not where the magic was. He had prepared notes for all of us so we could focus on his class instead of writing out the notes.

But here's where the magic happened....

The teacher was unusually "alive" while teaching. You could feel that he was giving his attention to the students, engaging them, involving them. It was an active experience. The learning became fun, and effortless, I looked forward to his classes, and benifited from the material immediately.

Later I learned what made the magic happen, and this is something any teacher can benifit from.

He had seen the class of students as an "alive and dynamic whole" that he wanted to be a part of and learn from. Even the disruptive students had something to offer. He wouldn't take any heckling seriously, he'd turn it around into humour... but humour that could be shared by all, including the heckler - no attacks on the person, not even the behaviour.

He went in with an open mindset. "I will learn something every class. Either about the material I'm teaching, or about the art of teaching, or about life and being alive and having fun.". Some students offered questions on the material that would cause him to think, and learn more. Some would challenge what he was teaching, and he'd learn to either negotiate the student so they would at least try the material, or he'd make a note and come back with an answer. And if he had no answer, he would freely admit it - not apologetically, but simply with a "That one I haven't run into yet, but the learning never stops. If you find the answer to that, please share it with me someday.". Very down to earth and sincere.

And from other students he'd re-discover the love for learning the material in the first place, the fresh curiosity and enthusiasm that is such a motivator for learning. Or even just the determination they had to show up.

It's that simple - put attention on the students, as much or more than the attention on the material. Keep in tune with their responses, react to it in a positive way, and remember they react to you. It's like a dance, the teacher is the leader, but sometimes the follower will try to backlead the dance... keep the frame, and gently maneuver them back into being a follower, or learner.... but recognize there is always something you can learn from them too.


For those readers that are familiar with hypnosis and/or NLP - it's about rapport with students, giving them attention, and calibrating to them. Also maintaining a state of "high desire to learn, enthusiasm about learning", this state gets passed to the student via rapport. And by having a strong desire to learn from them, the rapport and connection become automatic. "We are going to have fun together, learn from each other, and both have a positive experience".

Your Successes Truely Worth Remembering....

I originally wrote this out for a person I was working with. It was very similar to a case I dealt with in the late 90's.... . Too many times, a person will go through life thinking that they are a failure, or that they weren't successful. The real problem is how they measure success.

So, if you want to measure success by job, or social status, or fame... keep in mind those are just "ego values", they are nice to work for - but they do not define you as a person, and there are a lot of people that have achieved those that are fundamentally unhappy inside. "Feels like something is missing." is the common complaint.

This little exercise is one for the heart, to show you your true worth. As a friend of mine likes to say -

Not everything that can be counted counts, Not everything that counts can be counted!

Every passing moment is another chance to turn it all around !

(Thank you, Georgia Whalen, for that little gem)

So enjoy the exercise !

---------------------

This little exercise is to give you something you may need someday in the future. You could do it then - or you could do it now, and just have it ready. I'll explain it's uses at the end.

It's very important, because when you are done, you'll see how you make a differences in this world, how you helped contribute to making life here better, and worth living.

Think of it as your "success list". But it's not about material successes, or anything that can ever be taken from you. Material successes - well, they can come and go, or be taken from you.... and regardless, life is short and you aren't allowed baggage at the check-out counter, you take with you what you arrived with... except for the differences you made.

We all make differences, all the time, without even realizing it. Positive and negative ones.

Many times we forget the positive ones. Then later, perhaps late in life or during a time of crisis, we may look for strengths... or feelings of self worth... and just find an emptiness.

So- start a journal.

Every day, for the next three weeks, add to it (I'll explain what to add in a bit....). The first three weeks - past history, things in your past. After that - put aside some time every week and update it with anything recent that you can think of. For the first part, doing the past history, make a 15 minutes time slot every day. 30 minutes would be better, but 15 should work (might take more than 3 weeks that way). If you can't come up with anything, just think of what you wrote already, and daydream a bit... but stay there the full 15 minutes. Trust me, eventually things will come up.


Here's the sort of entries you want to be putting in....

1. The times you gave up something for family or relatives. There's people that I know of that made huge sacrifices for family (parents, but a few here that did sacrifices for children, siblings, in-laws....)... and then later forgot about it, that they made a difference. Get all of the times you did it written down... and if your mind draws a blank, don't worry - maybe next time you're in front of the journal you'll remember those times. Because these times do exist.
a. Some people gave up goals, careers, a lot of tangibles or intangibles, for family.
b. Even if the sacrifice was in vain - write it down. The point is - you made a choice. You gave up something for someone.
c. Some people gave up time. With some it was money they couldn't really afford and had to do with much less.

2. The times you gave up something for a stranger.
a. Same as point #1, but you can include things like "letting someone have right of way in traffic for no apparent reason". It sounds silly - but it's a case where you recognized them as a person with thoughts and feelings like yours, and did a random act of kindness.

3. Times you helped out because you wanted to.
a. Maybe you helped out a teacher clean up after class. Perhaps it was so you could spend time with them, but it counts - the thoughts was appreciated and helped them.


4. Times you helped out because someone needed help, and you were in a position to do so.
a. Times you went out of your way to help someone just because they needed it.
b. Especially the times when it was because you knew no one else could or would.

 5. Anything like volunteer work.

 6. The times you gave someone a kind word, true one (false flattery doesn't count - but reminded them of their self worth).

 7. Anytime you managed a "win win" situation with a co-worker or associate (or friend or family), instead of a "I win you lose" situation. Especially if you could have "won more at their expense" - and choose not to.

 8. The times you made people laugh (unless it was at someone else's expense, or your expense).

 9. The times when you gave someone attention because it was needed - perhaps spend time to go that extra distance to help them out, or returning a call when you'd rather have been sleeping, or time spent finding out something that would help someone.

 10. Family time - very important. The sacrifices you made for spending time with your children when they were sick. Or watching kid's shows with them. Helping with homework. These sort of deeds - some say it's "part of the package". The times you did it and were just glad you could help... they count.


Things you did with ulterior motives don't count (ie, "I'll do this so <that> happens").

Things that you did because you felt obliged to do it... if you gave it freely and wanted to do it, they count. If you did it grudgingly and resented it, they don't count (unless shortly after you looked back and were glad you did it).

Things that you did without thinking twice - you knew you should do it, and wanted to do it.... they count even more.

 A little one-line reminder  of the good deeds is all that's needed, but if you want to, feel free to write down anything else around those events as well (it's your journal, after all).

Do not be discouraged if it takes awhile to find these memories.

If you run out of things to write down (highly unlikely), scribble down something nice you will do for someone at random tomorrow - perhaps simple like giving a heartfelt smile to someone, or if you notice someone at the store with a name tag, address them by their name, and wish them a great day when you're done ! But stick to it.


Now....



These are the differences you made that added to the world.They are often overlooked and forgotten - but without these actions and events, the world would be a darker place. These actions and events add up over time, both in the world itself, making it a better place to be in, and in yourself.

We usually forget how it adds up in ourselves... which is why you are writing them down, either now or after you finish reading.

Because someday, it happens sooner or later, comes a day when we feel we haven't accomplished anything. For the terribly rich - probably much later, but then it's way too late. It may be subtle - a feeling we didn't make enough difference, or the wrong kind of difference. It may be huge - a time when our self-worth is being challenged, and we look for something inside us to justify ourselves... and find very little. There's probably quite a bit there.

Someday, you may need that little extra strength to keep going. Or to stand strong. Perhaps a reminder of self-worth, that you made a positive difference in lives - for no reason other than it was positive, and you could.

This list will be your reminded in dark times that you can keep going, that you're still needed. You made a difference, and can still make a difference. You can only keep going, because you're still needed.

The result - It's giving you the credit you deserve for being you. It's between you and yourself only - it's not for bragging about. It's about accepting yourself and the good things, and giving them value. But these are the true things of value in this world, what makes the world a place worth living in, and what makes us greater than the animals or the material items in this world.

Too often we overlook these things. This list will help keep you whole- a reminder of who you are, and the differences you make.

[One of the benefits of this exercise - besides having something to help you through dark times - is that you're actually training your mind to recognize your own self-worth. That you can and have made positive differences. That your life has value, as do the lives of those around you. You may even find afterwards that you notice these things more and more, and feel better about life, and people.]

 Doing this will gradually build up a new talent - one where you can find the good in yourself. Spread it out, and realize that others have worth as well, because like you - they probably made sacrifices as well (even the most grumpy person has good in them, with practice you can learn to see through the masks....).

Enjoy !

Dreams, Wishes, Goals, and Resolutions

Well, we are on Jan. 2nd, 2011.

So for the New Year - did you make "Wishes" , "Goals", or "Resolutions" ? Or just Dream? There is a difference. And it's possible to make Dreams really happen !

It all starts with a dream, a desire.
A Wish is more powerful than a dream.
A Goal is more powerful than a Wish.
A Resolution is more Powerful than a Goal !


A lot of time, people will think they are making a "New Year's Resolution", and really they are just making a wish. You've probably heard that "a goal without a plan is really just a dream waiting for the dreamer to move beyond the dream and make it real." ? If you haven't, remember you heard it here first.

So this post is about how to transform a dream into reality. Or how to make a wish come true by changing it to a resolution, in a way that adds power to it, so it has a very real chance of moving outside the land of could-be to inside the land of what-is.

I have read and studied many books on goals, but the best ones I've seen come out of NLP Training classes. I've created one for this blog entry that should work for anyone, trained or not (it's actually quite close to several goal checklists I've seen, and summarizes the guts of some books on the topic).

This will take you from picking out your wishes from your dreams, and picking out your goals from your wishes.

GOAL CHECKLIST
1. Make a huge wishlist of what you want. Everything you can think of. What's happening is you are going through your random dreams, and picking out your Wishes. When you are finished, read through this list.


2. Pick several things on your Wish list you really want. You're going to find, when reading your wish list, that some of the wishes are just re-worded versions of each other. Others may be parts of other wishes. And some others - "Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time, but...". Pick several from the list that resonate with you most - but No more than nine. Re-write them if you'd like while putting them on your "Goal list". Doesn't mean you are giving up on the other wishes, once you get some of your goals, you can always do this exercise again, right ? But No More Than Nine (there is a reason - but that'll be in another post someday. For now, just stick to Nine or less. Typically, most people end up with Five.).

3. Re-write the Goals so they are positively stated. They also have to be "self-fullfillable". That is, something that is within your control. Winning the lottery isn't in your control. But a goal that relies on skills you can develop (and are able to achieve those learnings) works.


4. "How will you know when you've reached your goal ?". For those items you've picked, you have to be able to "see, hear, feel" it. What will you see around you, or see yourself doing ? What will you hear around you, or from others ? Or your internal dialog ? What will you feel, both inside (feelings) and outside (environment) ? The more you can imagine all this, the greater the chance of the goal happening.

Just for reference, Step 4 is actually the point where you're "installing a new program into your unconscious mind", one that it will see as a direction to set you in. It is worth mentioning- people that visualize bad things happening to them, and wonder why it always comes real, well, they are setting up "bad programs" for themselves.... . Dwelling on the negative, and our fears, is actually doing exactly what we are doing here - but done negatively, and unfortunately that will generate results as well. But here we are setting up good things to happen to us, and will get positive results.


5. Weigh the impact on your life. How much will you gain ? How much will you risk ? What about those around you ? Reaching for a goal will change you, your lifestyle, and relationships. Every goal has a price. But the price can be a good thing - a goal of happiness will mean you will give up sadness as part of the journey, that's a good price worth paying.


6. How badly do you want it ? Will this be an all consuming passion, or just a nice to have ? This will determine timeframe, effort, price, many things. Some goals are worth having but the importance is light enough that only minimal effort goes into them... in which case they may take much longer to manifest. Some are so beautiful and wonderful and desired, they light a fire of passion in the dreamer, and every part of their life bends toward that goal. Somewhere in between is nice (I'm a person of passion, I usually have at least one passionate goal running that I put much free time into. Sometimes two.).

Steps 5 and 6 together are "ecology checks". Some goals - the price is too high, and we discover that the present is better. In which case - we know there's more (or we wouldn't have had a need to set goals), we just need some more insight to find what it is that we already know inside that we want or need.


For non-NLP/Hypnosis people - the above checklist works, trust me. Go ahead, use it to reach some small goals, get a feel for how it works. Once you're happy with that, you can move on to reach beyond into the profound life-changing dreams you may have....

The reason for setting the goals, writing them out, is simple: The unconscious mind picks it up, and will then start finding ways for it to happen. It's like installation of a program in your computer - once you do the above exercise, the program will start running automatically. The act of following the above will actually "activate" an intention. Your unconscious mind will follow through with it, because that's what it is designed to do - follow the instructions you give it. We miss opportunities all the time, simply because other "programs" are in the way, or we haven't "programmed" outselves to see opportunities. Or other people have convinced us they aren't there. Whatever the cause - just by writing out your goals, you'll start a change process in your own mind that will open the door for them to become real.

Luck is something you make yourself. For the most part - it's an unconscious process, and involves seeing what's already there, instead of overlooking it.


Now, that's the first step. There is still one more: The Plan of Action. This is how we change a Goal into a Resolution.

This part I'm only going to explain simply. Because once you have your goals defined, your unconscious mind is going to help you out with the Plan of Action. First, I suggest that you put aside the "Goal List", and sleep on it for a night or two. Seriously. Then review it one last time, see if there is anything there you feel differently about - this is an "ecology check". Tweak anything that "feels" like it needs tweaking.

The action plan is easy. For each of the goals, pick one thing that will take you closer. If you see more than one, go ahead, write that down. But you need to write down one step. Something you can do to get one step closer.

For example, some of my goals are rather complex (I've achieved all the simplier ones many years ago). So for some goals, I have just one step, the next step needed. For other goals, I have a couple of steps... but those steps are just about creating opportunities. I may not need all of those steps, or all of those steps may not be enough. It's a list of what I can do to generate the opporunities to actually get closer to what I really want. Each step will also give it's own learnings, and that's never a bad thing.

Timeframe is a factor as well. When do you want the goal to manifest ? When can you do the steps ? Does timeframe matter ? Mark all of this down, and remember to follow your action plan.

Finally - fun. You have to make it fun. Either the goal is something you need, and makes all the steps worth it, or it can be something desired and each step on the way is fun in itself. The more opportunity to learn, grow, be more, and have fun, the better it will be. It is far better to have a goal take a little longer to reach but be fun in the process than it is to fast-track the goal at the cost of making it "all work no play".

And that's it.


A Wish is more powerful than a dream, because a dream is just a thought.

A Goal is more powerful than a Wish, because to make a goal you plant the seed of change within yourself.

And a Resolution is more powerful than a Goal, because you've started nuturing the seed, and committed to making it grow into something new that will bear fruit someday.
Choose wisely the seeds you plant and nurture, for someday they will bear fruit.


A closing note: All of this can be applied to the corporate world as well. Without spoiling a future post (or workshop), it involves "Vision", something called "Shared Reality", "Engaging all your people", and "Empowerment". And I'll leave the specifics to your imagination for the time being :).

Memories from NLP Canada....

[Originally written Nov 2010]
[This post will be of interest for anyone who has trained there]


On the University of Toronto grounds, there stands an old building, with a personality apart from the other buildings surrounding it. No sterile plain grey concrete structure or opaque glass windows for this fine building, this one has a skin of red brick, wooden floors that murmur back your footsteps, windows that allow others to see in as easily as folks can see out. There is an elegance to the way it holds itself on the corner of the street, it has personality and warmth. It has the strength to withstand time and environment, yet does not force itself on anyone, a very gentle break for the eyes compared with looking at the clumsy forceful goliaths of buildings downtown Toronto is peppered with.

Outside, in front of the main doors, a simple sign for the building says "Toronto School of Theology" , but it gets far more use than just teaching theological studies.

In this building on the U of T campus, part of the U of T, is also the classrooms for "NLP Canada Training". A place that teaches people skills in NLP, and Hypnosis. Skills that allow them to change lives. Their own lives, the lives of others. Anyone that wants to reach further, or chooses change, can have their lives changed.

Arriving at class today, snow gently falling on the ground outside, was like walking through a doorway in time. The classroom has not changed much since 1997, the first time I ever walked in there, not knowing that I'd be returning there so frequently over the years.

Derek Balmer. Chris Keeler. Linda Ferguson. Mike Mandel. Past and present trainers. There have been a few others I never really got to know, and some new ones in training, but those ones stand out the most in my mind.

Derek Balmer was an interesting character. Originally trained by John Grinder and Richard Bandler, he founded NLP Canada originally to train others in NLP, change technologies that have the potential to do, in under three one hour sessions, what hundreds of hours of conventional talk therapy could not accomplish. He was a very interesting person, I had my first NLP Practitioner and Master Practitioner training with him back in 1997. He reminded me of "half priest and half con man" ! He had a gentle side to him that cared, but also a playful side, a bit like a prankster looking for an opportunity to create some fun. He admired John Grinder's work. Derek was actually in the process of writing his own book at the time, I remember within the first page or so he gave credit to John. I'll have to look up the exact wording someday, it really touched me. Something to the effect of "imitation being the sincerest form of flattery", and the rest escapes my memory. Derek passed away in late 2000, if I recall my dates correctly.

Chris Keeler, currently one of the two senior trainers at NLP Canada, was Derek's apprentice or Protege, depending how you look at it. He sort of inherited "NLP Canada" when Derek passed away unexpectly. When I returned to NLP classes for a refresher in 2003 (or 2004 ?), he was working with another trainer, Ben (who left a few years later). The class then was pretty much the same as Derek's course was. I remembered Chris from his days of learning to be a trainer, he had made a few cameo appearences in my 1997 classes (but had been at it since 1994, I think). What struck me is how much he was like Derek from his time working with him. Similiar expressions, word choices, body language... still his own person, but with access to his own abilities plus what Derek had given him. NLP is like that - you learn how to model someone to be able to achieve similiar results. Chris is also an interesting individual. He can be funny or serious, compassionate or hard line, subtle or direct. I'd like to say it's from being left-handed, a trait I share with him, but that would be untrue - it's because he lives a fairly complex or perhaps complete life. He does more than just the NLP work as a career, so he needs to have range to a range of states that are very different from each other. I think Derek treated Chris like another son, I sensed a bond between them. In a way, with both Derek, and Chris's father passing away, Chris has lost two fathers - the one that nutured and cared for him, the one that befriended him, gave him his NLP skills, and nutured him to change lives.

Linda Ferguson is the other senior trainer at NLP Canada. Probably the most active, and certainly the most active in organizing the trained students to do more with their skills than just sit back. I originally met Linda in 2003 (or 2004?) when I was refreshing my NLP Master Practitioner certification, she was doing her initial training back then. She has come a long way, going to trainer level, and further. She not only does the training, but, as I mentioned before, has organized a healthy NLP community in Toronto - something that was never done before. She has a good heart, and it shows. It seems to me that the organization, NLP Canada Training, is now more about making a difference than making a profit. Many workshops exist now, and often the registration costs go to charity. If she doesn't actually change the world with her work, she'll have made a difference, and perhaps enough to inspire someone to change the world, or open the door for someone to. The funny thing is watching Chris and Linda in action together - he's the left hand, she's the right. But in a full fledged training session, it's almost like one plays the role of the conscious mind, the other the unconscious mind. Sometimes they trade off (not the handedness, I mean the roles.... ), but that's my general feel. There is much more to Linda than I can say, since I haven't had enough hours interacting with her. She's got heart, she's amazing with stories, and she had the drive and courage to organize something greater. One workshop she gave, with a new "trainer in training" (John, but I can't remember his last name- will update this when I get it. Not sure who created it or inspired it, I'll assume credit for both), was called "Presence and Purpose". It used NLP techniques, but was completely new material. Or old material organized in a completely new way. This course was an amazing addition to the normal NLP skillset, and that one has opened new doors for me, new attitudes that kept me strong against some very dark times. I hope she creates more workshops like that. It's nice to see workshops that teach how to apply the NLP skills specific areas of the life experience.

Mike Mandel teaches the Hypnosis classes at NLP Canada. He was originally recruited by Derek sometime in the 90's. I did hear the name from Derek, and was interested in taking Mike's class back then (1997 or so) but never got around to it until 2010 (I was away from NLP Canada from 2004 onward, and from mid 2007 till early 2010, I wasn't using those skills at all, but that's another story... one best left untold). Mike is certainly one of the best hypnotists in Canada, if not the best. All aspects - indirect, direct, covert, overt, motivational speaking, communication expert, therapist, stage hypnosis shows.... natural comedian... there is actually a lot more. You could write a book on this guy's life, and never run out of material... and I'm better there's even more that he's not saying. He's a part of NLP Canada yet apart from NLP Canada, sort of a "subcontracted course". He teaches through them, with them, but the class is designed by him, with the intentions of giving the students both the right tools and the right attitudes and believes so each and every one of them has the seeds within them to be a master at hypnosis someday, should they choose to put the effort to grow those seeds. He's worked with John Grinder as well, and many more people that have contributed to change technologies. I won't say how old he is but he's at least 15 years older than me but in better health than I was 15 years ago (now at this point I should say my age but after you hit 30 you stop counting anyway....). I honestly believe that people that work with NLP, Hypnosis, EFT, or other change technologies that improve the lives of others get a little back - they get better health, and seem to age slower. Mike is also a compassionate individual. When I first met Mike at my first (formal) hypnosis class, the thing that stood out in my mind the most is that looking at him was like looking at two people at once. I don't get that very often, and the few other times I've gotten that "impression" from someone, it was never that pronounced. He's never explained this to me (I never asked), but after awhile I've got the distinct impression that he's one of the few people that have managed to keep their "inner child" alive and well, and also keep the "responsible adult" healthy and active. The "inner child" part seems to give playfulness, the ability to see things as if for the first time - even if he's seen it hundreds of times before. Motivation, curiosity, adventure. The "responsible adult" gives him access to learnings, wisdom, and abilities. The "inner child" gives perspective and drive, the "responsible adult" channels it in wholesome and effective ways without losing the wonderment of life. He is intensely charismatic, but he's very self-sufficent too. Most NLP Trainers or Master Hypnotists partner up on training sessions (at least the ones I've interacted with), Mike operates alone. It would probably be quite hard for him to find an equal. And if he did, and they designed and co-trained a class, it would probably be at such a level that it would be expensive and possibly of dangerous intensity levels. Mike's a good trainer, very complete on his own, two of them would probably liquify my mind.

Carol Luft, Linda's mother and works on the business side of NLP Canada. She is such a sweet person. I've only interacted with her on the phone when finding out schedules, or making payments, and a couple times in person, but for an organization that deals with the heart as much as the mind, they really got the perfect person to handle the business side. Engaging, compassionate, attentive are words that come to mind.

Then the students that I've seen from my 1997 classes on. My congratulations to all of you, if you happen to read this someday. Many people are so closed minded about NLP and/or Hypnosis, and wouldn't even consider taking the training. I've seen so much happen in the walls of that humble classroom. Triumphs, fears overcome, tears as traumas were faced down. All our training is practical, you see, so we not only learn it, but have to go through it, practicing on each other. So it's not only learning the skills of NLP or Hypnosis, and learning what it's like to work on a client, it's also learning what the client goes through, their own fears, uncertainties, doubts.

We learn the lion's share of the knowledge from the trainers, but we also learn from each other. We share experiences, memories, our strengths. We've laughed with each other, sometimes cried with each other, made things happen, let things happen, and sometimes wonder what the hell happened.

Getting close to the end of the day, and I noticed out the windows that the snow had stopped, hours ago, and melted in the bright warm sun. The lawn was green, the flowers dormant already for the winter.

Some seeds take longer than others to start to bloom. Some seeds are flowers, others are mighty oaks. All make a differences in the landscape of this place we call the world, in the series of changes we call time, and in the landscape of learning that we call life. All matter.

Everyone in the class says goodbye to each other, some leaving together, some apart, all looking forward to the class tommorrow. The doors to the class are closed for the night, locked, but like any doorway in life, they'll open when needed. All you need is the key. And that's what all this training is all about.