So, if you want to measure success by job, or social status, or fame... keep in mind those are just "ego values", they are nice to work for - but they do not define you as a person, and there are a lot of people that have achieved those that are fundamentally unhappy inside. "Feels like something is missing." is the common complaint.
This little exercise is one for the heart, to show you your true worth. As a friend of mine likes to say -
Not everything that can be counted counts, Not everything that counts can be counted!
Every passing moment is another chance to turn it all around !
(Thank you, Georgia Whalen, for that little gem)
So enjoy the exercise !
---------------------
This little exercise is to give you something you may need someday in the future. You could do it then - or you could do it now, and just have it ready. I'll explain it's uses at the end.
It's very important, because when you are done, you'll see how you make a differences in this world, how you helped contribute to making life here better, and worth living.
Think of it as your "success list". But it's not about material successes, or anything that can ever be taken from you. Material successes - well, they can come and go, or be taken from you.... and regardless, life is short and you aren't allowed baggage at the check-out counter, you take with you what you arrived with... except for the differences you made.
We all make differences, all the time, without even realizing it. Positive and negative ones.
Many times we forget the positive ones. Then later, perhaps late in life or during a time of crisis, we may look for strengths... or feelings of self worth... and just find an emptiness.
So- start a journal.
Every day, for the next three weeks, add to it (I'll explain what to add in a bit....). The first three weeks - past history, things in your past. After that - put aside some time every week and update it with anything recent that you can think of. For the first part, doing the past history, make a 15 minutes time slot every day. 30 minutes would be better, but 15 should work (might take more than 3 weeks that way). If you can't come up with anything, just think of what you wrote already, and daydream a bit... but stay there the full 15 minutes. Trust me, eventually things will come up.
Here's the sort of entries you want to be putting in....
1. The times you gave up something for family or relatives. There's people that I know of that made huge sacrifices for family (parents, but a few here that did sacrifices for children, siblings, in-laws....)... and then later forgot about it, that they made a difference. Get all of the times you did it written down... and if your mind draws a blank, don't worry - maybe next time you're in front of the journal you'll remember those times. Because these times do exist.
a. Some people gave up goals, careers, a lot of tangibles or intangibles, for family.
b. Even if the sacrifice was in vain - write it down. The point is - you made a choice. You gave up something for someone.
c. Some people gave up time. With some it was money they couldn't really afford and had to do with much less.
2. The times you gave up something for a stranger.
a. Same as point #1, but you can include things like "letting someone have right of way in traffic for no apparent reason". It sounds silly - but it's a case where you recognized them as a person with thoughts and feelings like yours, and did a random act of kindness.
3. Times you helped out because you wanted to.
a. Maybe you helped out a teacher clean up after class. Perhaps it was so you could spend time with them, but it counts - the thoughts was appreciated and helped them.
4. Times you helped out because someone needed help, and you were in a position to do so.
a. Times you went out of your way to help someone just because they needed it.
b. Especially the times when it was because you knew no one else could or would.
5. Anything like volunteer work.
6. The times you gave someone a kind word, true one (false flattery doesn't count - but reminded them of their self worth).
7. Anytime you managed a "win win" situation with a co-worker or associate (or friend or family), instead of a "I win you lose" situation. Especially if you could have "won more at their expense" - and choose not to.
8. The times you made people laugh (unless it was at someone else's expense, or your expense).
9. The times when you gave someone attention because it was needed - perhaps spend time to go that extra distance to help them out, or returning a call when you'd rather have been sleeping, or time spent finding out something that would help someone.
10. Family time - very important. The sacrifices you made for spending time with your children when they were sick. Or watching kid's shows with them. Helping with homework. These sort of deeds - some say it's "part of the package". The times you did it and were just glad you could help... they count.
Things you did with ulterior motives don't count (ie, "I'll do this so <that> happens").
Things that you did because you felt obliged to do it... if you gave it freely and wanted to do it, they count. If you did it grudgingly and resented it, they don't count (unless shortly after you looked back and were glad you did it).
Things that you did without thinking twice - you knew you should do it, and wanted to do it.... they count even more.
A little one-line reminder of the good deeds is all that's needed, but if you want to, feel free to write down anything else around those events as well (it's your journal, after all).
Do not be discouraged if it takes awhile to find these memories.
If you run out of things to write down (highly unlikely), scribble down something nice you will do for someone at random tomorrow - perhaps simple like giving a heartfelt smile to someone, or if you notice someone at the store with a name tag, address them by their name, and wish them a great day when you're done ! But stick to it.
Now....
These are the differences you made that added to the world.They are often overlooked and forgotten - but without these actions and events, the world would be a darker place. These actions and events add up over time, both in the world itself, making it a better place to be in, and in yourself.
We usually forget how it adds up in ourselves... which is why you are writing them down, either now or after you finish reading.
Because someday, it happens sooner or later, comes a day when we feel we haven't accomplished anything. For the terribly rich - probably much later, but then it's way too late. It may be subtle - a feeling we didn't make enough difference, or the wrong kind of difference. It may be huge - a time when our self-worth is being challenged, and we look for something inside us to justify ourselves... and find very little. There's probably quite a bit there.
Someday, you may need that little extra strength to keep going. Or to stand strong. Perhaps a reminder of self-worth, that you made a positive difference in lives - for no reason other than it was positive, and you could.
This list will be your reminded in dark times that you can keep going, that you're still needed. You made a difference, and can still make a difference. You can only keep going, because you're still needed.
The result - It's giving you the credit you deserve for being you. It's between you and yourself only - it's not for bragging about. It's about accepting yourself and the good things, and giving them value. But these are the true things of value in this world, what makes the world a place worth living in, and what makes us greater than the animals or the material items in this world.
Too often we overlook these things. This list will help keep you whole- a reminder of who you are, and the differences you make.
[One of the benefits of this exercise - besides having something to help you through dark times - is that you're actually training your mind to recognize your own self-worth. That you can and have made positive differences. That your life has value, as do the lives of those around you. You may even find afterwards that you notice these things more and more, and feel better about life, and people.]
Doing this will gradually build up a new talent - one where you can find the good in yourself. Spread it out, and realize that others have worth as well, because like you - they probably made sacrifices as well (even the most grumpy person has good in them, with practice you can learn to see through the masks....).
Enjoy !
It's very important, because when you are done, you'll see how you make a differences in this world, how you helped contribute to making life here better, and worth living.
Think of it as your "success list". But it's not about material successes, or anything that can ever be taken from you. Material successes - well, they can come and go, or be taken from you.... and regardless, life is short and you aren't allowed baggage at the check-out counter, you take with you what you arrived with... except for the differences you made.
We all make differences, all the time, without even realizing it. Positive and negative ones.
Many times we forget the positive ones. Then later, perhaps late in life or during a time of crisis, we may look for strengths... or feelings of self worth... and just find an emptiness.
So- start a journal.
Every day, for the next three weeks, add to it (I'll explain what to add in a bit....). The first three weeks - past history, things in your past. After that - put aside some time every week and update it with anything recent that you can think of. For the first part, doing the past history, make a 15 minutes time slot every day. 30 minutes would be better, but 15 should work (might take more than 3 weeks that way). If you can't come up with anything, just think of what you wrote already, and daydream a bit... but stay there the full 15 minutes. Trust me, eventually things will come up.
Here's the sort of entries you want to be putting in....
1. The times you gave up something for family or relatives. There's people that I know of that made huge sacrifices for family (parents, but a few here that did sacrifices for children, siblings, in-laws....)... and then later forgot about it, that they made a difference. Get all of the times you did it written down... and if your mind draws a blank, don't worry - maybe next time you're in front of the journal you'll remember those times. Because these times do exist.
a. Some people gave up goals, careers, a lot of tangibles or intangibles, for family.
b. Even if the sacrifice was in vain - write it down. The point is - you made a choice. You gave up something for someone.
c. Some people gave up time. With some it was money they couldn't really afford and had to do with much less.
2. The times you gave up something for a stranger.
a. Same as point #1, but you can include things like "letting someone have right of way in traffic for no apparent reason". It sounds silly - but it's a case where you recognized them as a person with thoughts and feelings like yours, and did a random act of kindness.
3. Times you helped out because you wanted to.
a. Maybe you helped out a teacher clean up after class. Perhaps it was so you could spend time with them, but it counts - the thoughts was appreciated and helped them.
4. Times you helped out because someone needed help, and you were in a position to do so.
a. Times you went out of your way to help someone just because they needed it.
b. Especially the times when it was because you knew no one else could or would.
5. Anything like volunteer work.
6. The times you gave someone a kind word, true one (false flattery doesn't count - but reminded them of their self worth).
7. Anytime you managed a "win win" situation with a co-worker or associate (or friend or family), instead of a "I win you lose" situation. Especially if you could have "won more at their expense" - and choose not to.
8. The times you made people laugh (unless it was at someone else's expense, or your expense).
9. The times when you gave someone attention because it was needed - perhaps spend time to go that extra distance to help them out, or returning a call when you'd rather have been sleeping, or time spent finding out something that would help someone.
10. Family time - very important. The sacrifices you made for spending time with your children when they were sick. Or watching kid's shows with them. Helping with homework. These sort of deeds - some say it's "part of the package". The times you did it and were just glad you could help... they count.
Things you did with ulterior motives don't count (ie, "I'll do this so <that> happens").
Things that you did because you felt obliged to do it... if you gave it freely and wanted to do it, they count. If you did it grudgingly and resented it, they don't count (unless shortly after you looked back and were glad you did it).
Things that you did without thinking twice - you knew you should do it, and wanted to do it.... they count even more.
A little one-line reminder of the good deeds is all that's needed, but if you want to, feel free to write down anything else around those events as well (it's your journal, after all).
Do not be discouraged if it takes awhile to find these memories.
If you run out of things to write down (highly unlikely), scribble down something nice you will do for someone at random tomorrow - perhaps simple like giving a heartfelt smile to someone, or if you notice someone at the store with a name tag, address them by their name, and wish them a great day when you're done ! But stick to it.
Now....
These are the differences you made that added to the world.They are often overlooked and forgotten - but without these actions and events, the world would be a darker place. These actions and events add up over time, both in the world itself, making it a better place to be in, and in yourself.
We usually forget how it adds up in ourselves... which is why you are writing them down, either now or after you finish reading.
Because someday, it happens sooner or later, comes a day when we feel we haven't accomplished anything. For the terribly rich - probably much later, but then it's way too late. It may be subtle - a feeling we didn't make enough difference, or the wrong kind of difference. It may be huge - a time when our self-worth is being challenged, and we look for something inside us to justify ourselves... and find very little. There's probably quite a bit there.
Someday, you may need that little extra strength to keep going. Or to stand strong. Perhaps a reminder of self-worth, that you made a positive difference in lives - for no reason other than it was positive, and you could.
This list will be your reminded in dark times that you can keep going, that you're still needed. You made a difference, and can still make a difference. You can only keep going, because you're still needed.
The result - It's giving you the credit you deserve for being you. It's between you and yourself only - it's not for bragging about. It's about accepting yourself and the good things, and giving them value. But these are the true things of value in this world, what makes the world a place worth living in, and what makes us greater than the animals or the material items in this world.
Too often we overlook these things. This list will help keep you whole- a reminder of who you are, and the differences you make.
[One of the benefits of this exercise - besides having something to help you through dark times - is that you're actually training your mind to recognize your own self-worth. That you can and have made positive differences. That your life has value, as do the lives of those around you. You may even find afterwards that you notice these things more and more, and feel better about life, and people.]
Doing this will gradually build up a new talent - one where you can find the good in yourself. Spread it out, and realize that others have worth as well, because like you - they probably made sacrifices as well (even the most grumpy person has good in them, with practice you can learn to see through the masks....).
Enjoy !
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